As some of you know my mother is beyond difficult. I work 14 hours a day 5 days a week with a 1 hr and 45 minute commute each way in nasty traffic with a high stress job. I have to wear suits so when I get home ALL I want to do is retreat to the quiet of my bedroom and tear off my suit asap. But so far I haven't figured out a way to excuse myself to my bedroom without sending my mother (as some of you know from previous posts) in a rage. I don't want to talk about my day (and relive that nightmare) or hang out I have very serious matters that I have to deal with, she lives in her own NPD world with oodles of free time. I dread going home, today I was driving home thinking about her waiting for me and I started sobbing. I need to get to bed almost immediately because my day starts so early. My mother who enjoys being mad and LOVES to fight has NPD and all the entitlement issues that NPD people have. I detest an argument, to avoid it I have always in the past said: sorry. Just for my own sanity. But that's created a worse monster. I can't get mother in a home because it seems just being mean and nasty doesn't qualify. She is only in the very early stages of dementia. She told me yesterday she is waiting for me to get rich so I can buy her a condo. I already buy her everything. I saw RED. I work so hard to where my health was in serious decline last year, she has been lazy her entire life and always leaned on someone else to take care of her! So many of you have brilliant ideas.......any idea how I can just get to my room and rest without being ambushed at the back door by mom who wants to hang out?
She's obviously mentally ill and probably has been all her life. My mother was the same way. She died 3 months ago and I was grateful she was gone. I scattered her ashes in accordance with her wishes but I wouldn't have them in my house feeling in some way her evil was connected to them. I collected them from the funeral home on scatter day, drove to the location, did my duty, felt nothing, went shopping and had lunch with a friend. I feared and despised her my whole life and she damned near put me in an early grave.
Bottom line, First talk to a lawyer and find out what your rights are, then you and woofer move out ... don't tell her you're going, just find temporary accommodation and go. She'll find out when the moving truck arrives - be prepared to call the cops at this point as she may get really violent, in which case she'll be arrested and that'll get her out of the way while you move. Next start eviction proceedings. Don't do that until you're moved or God help you.
I'm not in the USA but I suspect unless your mother is deemed to be incompetent she herself will have to apply for low cost housing and that's not happening. Caseworkers in my experience are as useless as t*ts on a bull. They make nice warm comforting noises, pick up a big salary and leave you to sink or swim.
Please, please take immediate steps to get rid of this woman and cut her out of your life forever before you have a stroke or heart attack from the stress of it all ... which I was on the verge of when Mommie Dearest passed away.
Look, your mom is mentally ill but physically healthy. She's 68? She could live for another 35 years. Get her on waiting lists for low income housing, supportive housing, religious housing. NOW. Is she on Medicaid? Talk to her caseworker. Get the ball rolling to get her OUT.