I try to tap into what I know she enjoyed. Her ALF has a garden area. Almost every visit, I wheel her out into the garden and we discuss the flowers. She was an avid gardener. She also loved to cook. I have even shared her old cookbook with her. It has all of her old notes and even some old thumb prints from what she was cooking at the time. She loves the ball activity. I have taken a small light weight ball and we have tossed it around. It is good activity for her. I wish she liked to read, sew, knit etc but she does not, I have to just be creative. I guess if there is any good news, she forgets from one day to the next, so each day seems new to her. She loves to fold towels so I take a basket each visit and leave them for her. She folds them meticulously. I have found that she is a little obsessive about getting the edges of the towel folds perfect so it takes her some time to fold them for me. Paint her nails, trim and paint her toe nails, cut her hair…I have tried just about everything to keep the visits enjoyable for both of us.
Msblcb-I'd suggest putting together a "look book". This is something interior designers use. They tear images from decorating magazines and put them into a folder. It is very helpful for clients when they're not sure the kind of look they want for their house/living space. I'd do the same using gardening magazines for your Mom-so many of them are lovely and very inspiring to look at. It seems she may have lost her capacity to read much and pictures are worth a thousand words. Maybe when you bring a garden look book/folder, bring in a nice bouquet of flowers or a small plant-either could be made of silk and never need watering! Few years ago showed my husband (pre dementia diagnosis) my look book, he really enjoyed it. I'll be trying that again in a few months.
You've received some great ideas from the posters below, but I will just add that you can never go wrong with bringing/playing some type of music that your mother enjoyed from her past. It's been my experience that because music comes from a different part of the brain, that even those folks who have trouble speaking and with any of the dementias, can still sing along to music from their past. It's quite beautiful to witness, and might even bring a tear to your eye as it has mine many times.
So true! Music can do wonders. My sister has been bedridden since January of this year. We sold her house and in the clearing of the house I found a certified letter my sister sent to herself back in the 1960’s. In it was the words and music of two songs she wrote. I made copies and sent them to our nephews who both are into all music and ask if they could do a recording for her. They did! She recognized the music and remembered the words. We played that for her over and over. I had the sheet music framed and it is in her line of vision in the MC. Her hospice has a music therapist who visits Peg and saw the music and asked permission to put her “spin” on the sheet music. She did, and it was a beautiful rendition! There were days when Peg would be sleeping 22 of the 24 hours. Not moving at all. Megan, the music therapist would come and play Peggy’s music. Peggy’s feet would keep time with the music. Music put Peg’s feet in motion and brought smiles and tears from us.
pollie, bring old photos of people you do not recognize, and see if Mom has an idea who they are.
I started a family tree (via Ancestry.com) for both sides of the family, and how I wished my parents were still around to help fill in the missing pieces. Such as who were my Mom's grand-parents, as Ancestry doesn't have that info as said old country didn't keep good records. And who are the people in all the photos I have where there are no names listed.
So many good ideas, but some of them require planning ahead and bringing materials. Why not just sit with her and watch tv, using it as a springboard for discussion. “I really like that dress she’s wearing,” or “Those mountains remind me of the time we all went to Colorado.” Let her talk about what you’re watching. They like simple programs. I Love Lucy or Andy Griffin or Happy Days or Elvis musicals.
Part of a Covid role ended up being social support for people relocated without family allowed to visit. I used TV like that.
I tried to find a channel aligned with their interest if possible. Cooking or gardening was popular for some homemaker ladies. Sport for others. One lady had been a model & loved the glam & fashions (skimpier the better) on reality TV 😂
I agree with Fawnby about using tv as springboard. For mom I never plan anything as it always ends up feeling forced. Unexpectedly mom has taken to watching sports on TV--something she rarely did before. So watching a ballgame together is perfect. It seems she enjoys the rhythm of the game, the bright colors of the uniforms, and the crowds. Now and then she'll wonder aloud if that player is related to someone she knew from high school because they have same last name. I keep her yearbook handy and we find the classmate. Mom never knows the score or even realizes the game is over. This is convenient for me as I can end the game whenever she gets tired or I need to leave. Sometimes just being in the same place at same time is enough. We don't need lots of conversation or activity.
My DH aunt has an aide I know personally. She sent a text last week saying she walked into aunts room and aunt was singing “Take me out to the ballgame” with her roommate.
I read DH aunts mail to her. She is 95, with dementia. Bedfast. We keep cards she has received in her nightstand and we reread them. She doesn’t remember them from the previous time and I am always as happy as she if she has a new one. Some are filled with news and we talk about the sender. Sometimes I call family members with her who are always happy to get a short call. She knows some or plays along, others not so much but it passes a few pleasant minutes, reminds them she is still here and we thank the ones who have sent cards. She likes listening to YouTube videos of old favorite performers. I usually bring flowers or a pot plant, her fresh laundry and any supplies she needs. She enjoys watching me fuss with all these things when I put them away. She always thanks me. She enjoys being cared for. I usually visit on Thursdays but she doesn’t remember how often I’m there. Oh and I bring a favorite snack. Right now it is watermelon.
I schedule visits around dinner and bring our dogs for entertainment. More ideas in the resources section at seniorsplaces.com oh yes also checkers is a great way to connect.
I had the same problem when my mom was barley cognoscente with dementia. I used to ask her a lot of crazy questions because she couldn't answer ordinary questions. I would say "mom, would you like to go horseback riding?" or "do you want me to poor a bucket of water on you?" It would get her attention. I often ended up reading things to her. The book of Proverbs from the Bible is pretty good to read. It has a lot of short paragraphs of wisdom. I would also try to talk about memories from when we were growing up
Hello, I just wanted to say to you” you had the right ideas in relating to your mother.” You went with the flow of her current life! So often we want them how they were and struggle trying to get them back there. But, when we let that go and use a different technique the flow is relevant and can ease their spirit ( even if our hearts are breaking). Like I’ve said before sometimes they may be cognizant and other times they’re wayyy left field lol…but we Savor every second and live in the “now” moments with them! My mom was a smoker but after the dementia set in I had to remove all cigarettes and matches because of the carelessness.. she then would find pencils and yep, she’d light it on the stove😅. several times I too would sit with her with a pencil in my hand and jokingly say hmm mommy this cigarette is really weak we may have to change brands! ☺️
A long time ago, I read about a company that makes jigsaw puzzles from photos. You could pick a family photo (of people who are still alive, so as to not upset her) or a beach scene or any picture from a vacation, or a pet, etc. That could strengthen both physical and cognitive abilities.
It would be helpful to know the extent of her dementia. Others have shared great ideas. Take a walk. Listen to music. Look at pictures. Share some food item she enjoys. Pull from things from her past.
Beyond when you are there, what are her options??? If there is WiFi available, or you can install it, consider getting her an Amazon Echo Dot or Show. These devices can be controlled by voice and/or from your smartphone through the Alexa app. You can set up routines, such as a wake up message, or have music play at a certain time.
Non-WiFi dependent options are a Simple Music Play which plays in a loop with just a lift of the lid. It comes with big band music, but you can load it up with anything you want. I put on about a dozen classical music albums. Now that my mom is gone, I am planning to program it for me - for if and when the need arises; I will have podcasts, a variety of music, etc. You can also get a radio with a similar simple on/off mechanism IF there is a radio station she likes. Check out https://www.alzstore.com/alzheimers-dementia-activities-s/1673.htm
For the highly tech savvy: If there is WiFi you can run a Logitech Hub device programmed so you can control your loved ones TV from afar via a phone app. There is a pretty steep learning curve on this unless the TV is a modern newer model - and even then, it isn't what I would call "easy." There is also the GrandCare system -- a computer designed specifically to help families care for and connect with their loved ones. See https://www.grandcare.com/.
I encourage everyone to read "Understanding the Dementia Experience" - there is a pdf you can download from alzconnected.org. Do a search for "Understanding the Dementia Experience pdf."
I hope you and others find some of this useful. :-)
Family pictures from the old days? Sometimes those memories are more fresh than the present time. Hopefully, they will stir up some conversational material.
When my mother was in the condition you describe the “visits” were simple but meaningful to both of us. We didn’t “talk.” Though she didn’t know who I was, she somehow knew I was someone who was important in her life. We kissed and hugged and conversation consisted of expressions of love. I’ll always treasure those times.
Same with my Mom, she would squeeze my hand every now and then, but she was quiet mostly. I would sit and talk quietly to her about things in the past and my childhood and what a good mother she was.
DH is still able to be home (but not alone), so I have different activities every day. We do 100 piece puzzles, dot-to-dots ( childrens), coloring (not the adult ones), painting a rock, sticker books. On a good day we take a short walk to McDonald’s for an ice cream. I have a box of multi colored stars and have him group them by color or size. He still likes to read even though he doesn’t understand what he is reading. I get most of his coloring books etc from Amazon.
- Bring colorful pipe cleaners with you, spread them out on a table and start fiddling with them mindlessly. She can just watch or join in. No pressure. - Learn how to make balloon animals. While your talking about other things start making a dog or a funny crown. Make one for everybody. - Bring two coloring books and large crayons. Don't suggest working on it, place one open for her and start coloring in yours. Try to color things not as they should be. - Bring a marble or bead maze. - Find stuff at a party store, or the children's section of a bookstore. Or go to the children's section of the library and ask the librarian of that section if they have children's summer activity suggestions. - Go to an old time hardware store and get wooden clothes pins. Dump a box full of colorful small fuzzy balls (from a craft store) on to a table and ask her to help you try to pick them up with the clothes pins and place them back in the box. If she just wants to do it by hand, who cares, If she'd rather connect the clothes pins to each other, praise the initiative. Don't be upset if anything you bring winds up with other people. Expect it. - Sing while you do stuff. - Bring curlers. Put them in your hair and hers. Let her attach them to each other with huge bobby pins. - Get golf ball sized wiffle balls, big plastic threadable needles, wool or thick yarn and sew through the holes separately or connect together. Maybe a crocheting needle may be better to catch and pull yarn. - Make or get a little tray size platform, glue little 3" figures to magnets and make them move with another magnet under the platform. - Get hand puppets. Practice voices for different characters before hand. - Give her a pedicure, if you can. - Get old magazines, poster paper and make cut out collages with washable glue. Hang her creation in her room. - Loosely knot up a bunch of shoe laces, or cuddly fluffy yarn of different types and ask her to help you straighten it out. - If there is no chance that she might swallow one ask friends, family and neighbors to donate old big buttons. Get washable glue and a thin board and help her do some art. Maybe you can save part of wrappers from canned goods, soap and or bring a chocolate bar and stick that wrapper too.
If you have a grandchild or young person who might want to go, that's always so lovely. A baby, just so they can connect. I used to bring my kids to see their great-aunts in the care facility, and it was a treat for everyone. Maybe have them color together.
I find coloring books or questions about the old days, and photo albums from their youth, can be helpful. Some of the kids' crafts work well, too. Tactile stuff.
If it’s nice out, take her in a wheelchair ride around the facility. Bring her favorite food or treat. The sun and fresh air will do her good and give you some exercise.
If she did not have dementia would you feel the need to "entertain" her? If you visit a friend or relative do you "entertain" them? go for a walk, (I consider pushing someone in a wheelchair a walk as well, so if she is in a wheelchair it is still a walk) Sit and chat about what you have been doing. Ask what she has been doing. (it does not matter if you get a response or not) Have a cup of tea, glass of iced tea, bring a shake. Bring a snack she likes. collect her laundry if that is what you do, chat on about nothing. when it comes time to go tell her you will see her later.
One thing I found is the stories they have about their childhood, if she has some get a tape recorder and have her talk about them and record them. It will give you her voice talking about things she knows. Also it may help her.
I have my dad's voice on a voice recorder that I had for scrapbooking and at times when I want to hear it I have it my father has been gone now for 18yrs 3 days before my birthday.
Read to her. Sing songs from her era with her. Take simple crafts to do together.... crafts like a small child could do. I used a photo book service to make a memory card game for my mother using pictures of our small immediate family and added their names as captions. We played that a lot. She loved it! Also simple jigsaw puzzles are good for them. I used the same service and made jigsaw puzzles of family photos. Take her for walks. Take her for a treat like an ice cream or even a pedicure. My Mom also loved word search puzzles and connect the dot drawings. I literally bought them by the case! It sounds awful, but basically, you can entertain them as you would a toddler.
I took a tablet so we could listen to music or funny videos. I bought decor at Dollar tree and made holiday wreaths and decor...mostly she watched but see loved it outside her room. Not sure your mom's level. Mom is higher functioning but she needed bathroom care.
I bought puzzles, cards (like old maid), paint stuff (during covid when she was in her room and engagement brought it to her. Also, I asked if they would give mom (Vascular Dementia) some crafts so I would have as a keepsake as my daddy (ALZ) did and so grateful I have some from both of them.) My sweet daddy passed in 2017 and I am so very grateful for them. I got mom a journal book and asked her questions about her childhood, my childhood, random and questions. (engagement can help with this) and I have never looked at it. When she passes I will have the book and can read it and get comfort.
Mom LOVES pictures so I would get free pics from Walgreens or CVS when they had special codes. I got huge frames and did picture collages and she would watch and it kept her entertained. She was able to look at them all the time where as the picture books she never opened.
Mom loved holidays so I would get her clearances holiday wear and she LOVED it. Mom used to sew us matching clothes. I got us matching clothes and we would get our pictures made and she LOVED it. I wish I could share them with you.
Hope this helps. If I think of more...I will add. Hugs! :)
Okay, this might not be entertainment....how about doing exercises with her? There are some exercises that can be done to increase circulation and help keep her body (specifically thighs and abs) in reasonable shape.
I've seen them swat a balloon between people with a fly swatter, chair exercises (march in place, use paper plates as cymbals to music), bean bag toss tic tac toe, dance or march to music.
Your Mom may have difficulty doing these at first, however, I've been amazed at how fast my Mom is able to "catch on"...and you are helping tone those muscles! Every movement counts....
Bring old photo albums to peruse. One upside of dementia is that every experience/photo album is new again! She won't remember looking at them 'yesterday' and will not tire of looking at old photos. - Assuming the photos are links to prior joyful events/relationships.
Few years ago showed my husband (pre dementia diagnosis) my look book, he really enjoyed it. I'll be trying that again in a few months.
It's been my experience that because music comes from a different part of the brain, that even those folks who have trouble speaking and with any of the dementias, can still sing along to music from their past. It's quite beautiful to witness, and might even bring a tear to your eye as it has mine many times.
I started a family tree (via Ancestry.com) for both sides of the family, and how I wished my parents were still around to help fill in the missing pieces. Such as who were my Mom's grand-parents, as Ancestry doesn't have that info as said old country didn't keep good records. And who are the people in all the photos I have where there are no names listed.
I tried to find a channel aligned with their interest if possible. Cooking or gardening was popular for some homemaker ladies. Sport for others. One lady had been a model & loved the glam & fashions (skimpier the better) on reality TV 😂
We keep cards she has received in her nightstand and we reread them. She doesn’t remember them from the previous time and I am always as happy as she if she has a new one. Some are filled with news and we talk about the sender.
Sometimes I call family members with her who are always happy to get a short call.
She knows some or plays along, others not so much but it passes a few pleasant minutes, reminds them she is still here and we thank the ones who have sent cards.
She likes listening to YouTube videos of old favorite performers.
I usually bring flowers or a pot plant, her fresh laundry and any supplies she needs. She enjoys watching me fuss with all these things when I put them away. She always thanks me. She enjoys being cared for. I usually visit on Thursdays but she doesn’t remember how often I’m there.
Oh and I bring a favorite snack. Right now it is watermelon.
Beyond when you are there, what are her options??? If there is WiFi available, or you can install it, consider getting her an Amazon Echo Dot or Show. These devices can be controlled by voice and/or from your smartphone through the Alexa app. You can set up routines, such as a wake up message, or have music play at a certain time.
Non-WiFi dependent options are a Simple Music Play which plays in a loop with just a lift of the lid. It comes with big band music, but you can load it up with anything you want. I put on about a dozen classical music albums. Now that my mom is gone, I am planning to program it for me - for if and when the need arises; I will have podcasts, a variety of music, etc. You can also get a radio with a similar simple on/off mechanism IF there is a radio station she likes. Check out https://www.alzstore.com/alzheimers-dementia-activities-s/1673.htm
For the highly tech savvy: If there is WiFi you can run a Logitech Hub device programmed so you can control your loved ones TV from afar via a phone app. There is a pretty steep learning curve on this unless the TV is a modern newer model - and even then, it isn't what I would call "easy." There is also the GrandCare system -- a computer designed specifically to help families care for and connect with their loved ones. See https://www.grandcare.com/.
I encourage everyone to read "Understanding the Dementia Experience" - there is a pdf you can download from alzconnected.org. Do a search for "Understanding the Dementia Experience pdf."
I hope you and others find some of this useful. :-)
Though she didn’t know who I was, she somehow knew I was someone who was important in her life. We kissed and hugged and conversation consisted of expressions of love. I’ll always treasure those times.
https://www.cnet.com/tech/services-and-software/lumosity-vs-elevate-brain-training-apps/
Here are some more ideas! https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/dementia-activities
- Learn how to make balloon animals. While your talking about other things start making a dog or a funny crown. Make one for everybody.
- Bring two coloring books and large crayons. Don't suggest working on it, place one open for her and start coloring in yours. Try to color things not as they should be.
- Bring a marble or bead maze.
- Find stuff at a party store, or the children's section of a bookstore. Or go to the children's section of the library and ask the librarian of that section if they have children's summer activity suggestions.
- Go to an old time hardware store and get wooden clothes pins. Dump a box full of colorful small fuzzy balls (from a craft store) on to a table and ask her to help you try to pick them up with the clothes pins and place them back in the box. If she just wants to do it by hand, who cares, If she'd rather connect the clothes pins to each other, praise the initiative. Don't be upset if anything you bring winds up with other people. Expect it.
- Sing while you do stuff.
- Bring curlers. Put them in your hair and hers. Let her attach them to each other with huge bobby pins.
- Get golf ball sized wiffle balls, big plastic threadable needles, wool or thick yarn and sew through the holes separately or connect together. Maybe a crocheting needle may be better to catch and pull yarn.
- Make or get a little tray size platform, glue little 3" figures to magnets and make them move with another magnet under the platform.
- Get hand puppets. Practice voices for different characters before hand.
- Give her a pedicure, if you can.
- Get old magazines, poster paper and make cut out collages with washable glue. Hang her creation in her room.
- Loosely knot up a bunch of shoe laces, or cuddly fluffy yarn of different types and ask her to help you straighten it out.
- If there is no chance that she might swallow one ask friends, family and neighbors to donate old big buttons. Get washable glue and a thin board and help her do some art. Maybe you can save part of wrappers from canned goods, soap and or bring a chocolate bar and stick that wrapper too.
I find coloring books or questions about the old days, and photo albums from their youth, can be helpful. Some of the kids' crafts work well, too. Tactile stuff.
Food is always good, especially cookies. : )
If you visit a friend or relative do you "entertain" them?
go for a walk, (I consider pushing someone in a wheelchair a walk as well, so if she is in a wheelchair it is still a walk)
Sit and chat about what you have been doing.
Ask what she has been doing. (it does not matter if you get a response or not)
Have a cup of tea, glass of iced tea, bring a shake. Bring a snack she likes.
collect her laundry if that is what you do, chat on about nothing.
when it comes time to go tell her you will see her later.
I have my dad's voice on a voice recorder that I had for scrapbooking and at times when I want to hear it I have it my father has been gone now for 18yrs 3 days before my birthday.
Prayers
I bought puzzles, cards (like old maid), paint stuff (during covid when she was in her room and engagement brought it to her. Also, I asked if they would give mom (Vascular Dementia) some crafts so I would have as a keepsake as my daddy (ALZ) did and so grateful I have some from both of them.) My sweet daddy passed in 2017 and I am so very grateful for them. I got mom a journal book and asked her questions about her childhood, my childhood, random and questions. (engagement can help with this) and I have never looked at it. When she passes I will have the book and can read it and get comfort.
Mom LOVES pictures so I would get free pics from Walgreens or CVS when they had special codes. I got huge frames and did picture collages and she would watch and it kept her entertained. She was able to look at them all the time where as the picture books she never opened.
Mom loved holidays so I would get her clearances holiday wear and she LOVED it. Mom used to sew us matching clothes. I got us matching clothes and we would get our pictures made and she LOVED it. I wish I could share them with you.
Hope this helps. If I think of more...I will add. Hugs! :)
I've seen them swat a balloon between people with a fly swatter, chair exercises (march in place, use paper plates as cymbals to music), bean bag toss tic tac toe, dance or march to music.
Your Mom may have difficulty doing these at first, however, I've been amazed at how fast my Mom is able to "catch on"...and you are helping tone those muscles! Every movement counts....
One upside of dementia is that every experience/photo album is new again!
She won't remember looking at them 'yesterday' and will not tire of looking at old photos. - Assuming the photos are links to prior joyful events/relationships.