I HAVE TOLD MY STORY SO MANY TIMES ON THIS SITE. IF YOU GO TO TRANQUILITY YOU WILL READ MORE. MY MOTHER 89 YRS OLD, AND STEP FATHER 97 YRS OLD. BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA, AND I HAVE DOCTORS LETTERS. MY STEP FATHER OF 21 YRS, HAS MACULAR DEGENERATION, MINI STROKE, AND DOUBLE BY PASS WHEN HE WAS 88 YRS OLD. I WAS EXTREMELY CLOSE WITH MY MOTHER MY ENTIRE LIFE, BUT SHE IS SLIPPING AWAY. SHE WAS ALWAYS A VERY SWEET LADY, BUT HAS TURNED INTO A SCREAMING, MANIPULATIVE LIAR. SHE SCREAMS AT ME AND ACCUSES ME OF ALL SORTS OF THINGS, AS WELL AS MY HUSBAND, WHO HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO HER FOR ALL THE YEARS WE ARE MARRIED. WE ARE MARRIED 43 YRS. SHE ALSO HAS A PROBLEM WITH WALKING. HER BALANCE AND GAIT ARE AWFUL CAUSING HER TO HAVE FALLS. THANK GOODNESS SHE HASN'T BROKEN ANY AS OF YET. I HAVE 3 SIBLINGS WHO NEVER DID, AND STILL DON'T DO A THING. IT WAS ALWAYS ME, HOWEVER, SHE IDOLIZES THEM, AND HAS TOLD ME AND MY HUSBAND TO DROP DEAD AND GO TO HELL. WHEN I TOLD HER WHAT SHE SAID, SHE TOLD ME IN THAT LITTLE VOICE, I NEVER SAID THAT. I WOULD NEVER SAY SUCH A THING. EVEN THOUGH I KNOW SHE HAS DEMENTIA, I'M REALLY NOT SURE IF SHE DOES OR DOESN'T REMEMBER IF SHE SAID IT. SHE HAS BECOME SO MANIPULATIVE WITH PEOPLE ESPECIALLY ME. SHE KNOWS I AM A SOFT TOUCH AND SO EASY. I AM GETTING ILL, AND SO IS MY HUSBAND. MY MOTHER HAS TOLD SO MANY LIES TO MY 3 SIBLINGS ABOUT ME AND MY HUSBAND, AND THEY NEVER SEE HER OR REALLY GIVE HER ANY TIME OF DAY, SO THEY BELIEVE SHE IS TELLING THET TRUTH. FOR ALL THESE YEARS THE FOUR OF US HAVE NEVER HAD A FALLING OUT UNTIL NOW. NOW THAT WE ARE ALL OLDER, AND WHO KNOWS WHEN GOD WILL TAKE ONE OF US, WE ARE NOT SPEAKING BECAUSE OF WHAT MY MOTHER IS SAYING. I REALLY THINK IT IS TIME FOR THE BOTH OF THEM TO GO IN TO AN ASSISTED LIVING. CAN ANYONE TELL ME HOW YOU GO ABOUT THIS. WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY DON'T WANT TO GO. THEY BOTH LIVE IN A CONDO 3 MINUTES FROM WHERE I LIVE.
Anyway, this one sister arrives very seldom, with mylar balloons and hundred dollar bouquets and 2' high greeting cards. So she's greeted like she was the conquering hero, arrived to deliver mom from the daily grind. Truthfully, I give mom an extremely rich life, but that's just the way it is. The other sister refuses to see her shallowness. And that's just the way it is.
I have do to all the good work and all the dirty work, deliver the bad news "No you can no longer replace your dentures...you waited too long to have this done..." She hates me for that...
oh, please don't type in all caps. How about typing in all lower case. Easier to read.
Hang in there! We're all pulling for you!
NP
Before you begin, collect information about all facilities in your area. Get referrals. Visit the centers at different times of the day. Then you will have peace of mind knowing that they have chosen the best living conditions for them.
Is there a clergy person, geriatric specialist, social worker, or friend who can assist as an impartial third-party? It would help if a medical professional could do an assessment.
You and your husband deserve a BIG break from all of this. You have done the most loving and caring work possible. Now it's time to let go.
Good Luck,
Lilli