My grandmother was living independently in a two story condo until she was 98 and had a fall where she broke her arm. She moved into a rehab facility but complained non stop, after that my family put her in a really nice assisted living but it was "on the other side of the river" so not in the town she had lived in her whole life. She did pretty well there until recently when she started getting more depressed and crying. When I say my grandmother is 99 I do not mean your typical 99 year old. She likes Ed Sheeran and Gwen Stefani and watches the bachelor and drinks beer. I had never seen her cry in my life, I saw her punch someone once but never cry. She got kicked out of her assisted living because she wouldn't do the physical therapy and they were concerned for the safety of their aides who would have to lift her into her wheelchair etc. So my family moved her into a nursing home, the same facility she was at for rehab. I was with her during the move, at her assisted living she had just gotten her hair done and was having lunch with friends...smiling and laughing. When we were leaving she was crying and all the aides were hugging her...when we got to nursing home she had a melt down that she had a roomate and she was screaming and crying. It was so hard for me that I actually had to leave the room crying and I passed out. My grandmother would never have left any of us in a dump like this. She used to get up and get dressed every day with the help of the aides. At her new nursing home she has only gotten up once, she is basically bed ridden now. The staff isn't very friendly and they don't return my calls or help me set up physical therapy. I live in CA and my whole family lives in CT. Tonight she called us scared because an aide threw pizza at her. I'm very very worried but not sure what to do, if i complain they will treat her worse. If we move her to another facility she will be further from my family members and it will probably be just as dumpy. Shes going onto Medicaid now and I really don't know what other options there are. I thought maybe if she was in a private room she would be happier but that is $13,000 a month...Medicaid only covers the shared rooms. I know no one probably has any ideas or answers but i'm so sick over this. She keeps saying it isn't fair she has to spend the end of her life there, and that if you live long you get punished. I have never seen her this emotional and upset. I thought about moving home but even then I wouldn't have the money or resources to care for her. Feeling lost.
I wouldn't get too troubled about a shared room. From what I have seen, most residents enjoy having a roommate and the residents are most often out in the activity rooms, dining room, tv room, patio, etc and not stuck in the room that much. Still, I know that your grandmother may want things the way they used to be. I hope you can find some answers that help make her happier.
This must be incredibly difficult and painful for you. It is very hard to see someone who sounds like your heroine going into this kind of decline.
I'm not sure what to say to you. Are you in touch with family members who see your grandmother regularly?
I am so sorry that you have this worry about our grandmother.
Believe me, I know that not all 99-year-old people are alike, my mother lived on her own until she was 93 and with us for the next 6 years. She was dynamic and peppy, too.
I can tell you are upset because your post is a little confusing. You say that she was at an assisted living facility that was great and that the day she moved she lunched with friends, laughing and the staff were all hugging her, etc. But in the beginning of the post, you said: "She did pretty well there until recently when she started getting more depressed and crying." Also, that she "got kicked out of her assisted living because she wouldn't do the physical therapy".
It sounds to me that she may have been developing problems that are now really coming out with the move. She was already experiencing being depressed and crying, and she did not participate in PT which would have possibly helped her to stay where she was happy before.
This is so difficult, especially if you are not close by to really observe and assess the situation. You can contact the nursing home and ask to speak with the social worker. If they do not have one, ask to speak with the director of nursing. I would recommend that you take the approach of you would appreciate her helping with suggestions about how we can all make grandma more comfortable in her new environment. If she is not getting up, she needs PT, are they able to provide that? Approach the staff with the attitude that they are there to help and you would like to hear their suggestions. You may not take their suggestions, but starting off on that foot prevents them from being defensive and shutting down the dialogue.
Adjusting to such a drastic change is very challenging to someone younger, but for the very elderly it can be extremely stressful. This stress can be the start of a mental and emotional decline. In any case, she is likely nearing the end of her life, whether it is in months or years. I know that you do not want her to be miserable in the time she has left. Hopefully, family members can visit her on a rotating basis so that she and the staff know that there are people who are watching and who love her.
I wish you the best of luck,
Margaret