I now need to move my mother quickly from her current assisted living because of medication mismanagement and no hot water. I just learned that this AL has a recent atrocious history of violations. I was recently off work for a total hip replacement and am still recovering. Being self employed, I can’t miss any more work because I had no income this past month because I was off for surgery and recovery. I can go to work, but I am just now regaining strength. My brothers do not help. I found an excellent AL close by that I can move her to right away. The problem is that they only have a smaller apartment available. Mom wants me to take her to see it, but I can’t physically move her around on snow and ice right now because of my physical limitations. I also can not take any more time to argue with her about the size of the apartment. Her health is the critical thing now, not the size of her apartment. I also can’t take off work any more during the week since I was off for my own health reasons. I need to move her quickly. Her doctor agrees. What resources are there to help us through this time? I am not even able to sleep now because I am so worried as to how I am going to handle this all by myself. I can’t do it by myself during this worst possible time.
Hip replacement surgery is no joke, actually I just had mine replaced 2 weeks ago and still can’t do much of anything without assistance.
I am so sorry you are having to cope with your mom’s move and your surgery at the same time. I hope you feel stronger every day! You have to take care of yourself first to be able to take care of others. Take time for you!
To justify moving mother without her say-so - her current situation is unacceptable. The new AL initially is to get her out of the unacceptable situation. If she really really hates it AND she can find a better one AND she can fix to get herself moved, you won't stop her. That's the deal. She can take it or leave it.
For the move you need:
packers
driver(s)
movers
mother distractors/entertainers/cab service
unpackers
You need to decide:
dates and timings
You need to delegate. Sure you don't want to give your brothers an opportunity to surprise you? Without being sexist (much!) men are often a lot better at taking a specific order than at responding to a general appeal for help.
E.g. Mother is moving on Friday 23rd February from [address] to [address]. Would you be able to collect her in your car at 10:00, take her out for brunch, and deliver her to her new apartment by 14:00? Please let me know by [reasonable deadline].
And if they won't, okay - hire a cab to do all the driving and do that bit yourself. Make sure your cell phone's charged.
Breathe deeply. As Golden put it "this poo will pass."