How can I keep my father busy? My mom passed last month and our lives were mainly focused on caring for her, especially his.

My mom was bored but I found she could not do things alone. She forgot the steps for projects, she couldn’t follow tv shows enough to understand by herself, although Golden Girls has enough short one liners, she understands and laughs/enjoys those. I got her a companion daily 1-5. It has been great. I introduced the person as my friend and we all had an afternoon snack just talking and socializing. Then my friend would stop by…. (Of course this was scheduled by me) and I would be in the middle of something so mom and her would visit or do something. They went to a military gravesite, a beautiful park and fed the ducks/fish, movie, and lunch. Since your dad might feel more comfortable with another man, I suggest talking to a local pastor to see if there is a competent man who would like to befriend your dad and earn a little money too. I gave my mom a debit card with some mad money on it since she likes to pick up the tab. Mom does so well with a companion that I now have this 7 days a week. It works out 5 days for one friend and 2 days for another. You may find a different split of days/hours. My mom likes to sleep in and is better in the afternoon, however, some outings were late morning/early afternoon. Loneliness is curable with the right companion. Many times, the companion will show up and mom will say “I am so glad to see you”. This has been going on for 2 years. BTW, when I interviewed the “friend”, I gave a history of mom highlighting her career, where she grew up and her wonderful husband who passed. I also made it clear that mom is a painful introvert so she will not interrupt but does talk if she can find the words. We have been blessed.

You don't mention his age.

Its going to be hard for everyone to adjust now that the person who took up your time is gone. You deserve to have time to yourself. I agree, check out ur local Senior Center. Was Dad ever a Church person? Maybe try that. Maybe they have a Bible study he can go to. The library may have things he can do. Bus trips. Check out the adult Daycares in your area.

Make a list of things he could do and when he asks "what can I do" there's the list. Maybe Dad would do better in an Assisted living. He would have activities and socialization. Outings too.

How about taking Dad on a tour of Independent Living Senior Housing where Dad can find his peers. Make sure they have an activities director who keeps people engaged. Also, look for volunteer work that would give Dad a purpose like working with pets at the Humane Society. He could man the phones for the Red Cross or share a talent that he has.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Your Dad needs some social interaction. He needs new experiences, someone to talk to about your Mom and things...nothing too jarring.

Did he like animals? Perhaps he can help the Humane Society walk dogs. There is always the Senior Center, however, that might be too hard to do with the loss of your Mom so fresh in his mind.

How about the neighbors? With Spring on its way, maybe he could help the neighbors with a garden project. What he needs is something that "needs him".

I’m sorry for the loss of your mom. This loss has devastated your father.

Please remember that it has only been a month since your mother has died.

Allow your father to grieve in his own way. Everyone grieves differently.

Maybe he isn’t looking for ways to ‘busy’ himself and simply finds comfort with having your company and someone to understand how he feels.

You may not be able to spend a lot of time with him but he may need the companionship of others.

Do you think that he would participate in a grief support group like GriefShare? (griefshare.org)

Or perhaps he may enjoy attending activities at a senior center.

Wishing you and your dad all the best.

Sorry for your loss. I'm sure dad is grieving and lonely. Try to get out of the house a bit so dad can try to answer that question by himself. It would drive me nuts too so I don't think you're cruel at all to feel that way! Leave him a short list of things that he could do. Maybe suggest that first step to him - so, what tools do you think you need for this project? Oh, where is the hammer? Can you go get it please? Etc. Maybe if you get him going, he'll take over and do it.

Do you think he would go to a grief support group? Could be really helpful to talk about his loss.

Take him to the senior center and get him involved with the people there. Get him out for a walk. Exercise is always good. Enroll him in a group exercise program - silver sneakers is a program that has different offerings. Fresh air and exercise help clear the mind and improve mood, etc.

My mom always needed help getting started on any tasks. She just can't figure out all the steps and therefore gets stuck on step 1. Maybe it's the same for your dad.

Best of luck.

Maybe go to senior center 3 times a week

your dad needs to grieve give him time to do that. yes you want him to be ok because it will make you feel better, but he is lost. after a while you can make suggestions like a day care for elders, men play cards, etc. He will decide after a while what he wants and needs to do. He made need help after the grieving period but you know when you lose someone you loved you can't just go and and start to dance again! Good Luck - (been thru it)

Can you present him with some small jobs? Like, "Dad, can you organize the junk drawer?" or "Can you organize these photos?" Something you can literally dump on his lap, rather than, "Can you fix the screen, Dad?" because that's something he can avoid.

Your mom was his purpose in life. Everything else now seems meaningless. Our society is terrible at incorporating the elderly into daily life. Do you have kids? Can they sit in his room and do their homework there? Check the library for programs (ours has Tech with Teens, to teach older folks how to use their phones, etc.). Contact the high school…at this time of year, the seniors are panicking over their service projects (at least where I live) and offer him up…help my dad write a memoir. A new person is always great.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and that your grief is being sidelined by caring for your dad. I wish you both the best.

Not seeing any responses from McKeez1. Some more information about her father would be helpful. Age? Mental state (ie dementia?, or normal, but just grieving), physical limitations?

It's hard to know what might be appropriate without knowing those things.