I realize she has sundowners and the question starts about 3:00 pm everyday. She can’t tell me where her home is and I try to reassure that this is her home and she doesn’t have to worry, but that’s not the answer she needs. Some days she will become angry at me for not taking her home or helping her & other days she just cry’s. I’ve tried everything I can think of.
Mom was active until age 91. She traveled, volunteered, belonged to different clubs and was an amazing cook. Now at 97 she isn’t able to do any of those activities and most of her friends have either passed away or don’t stay in touch with her.
Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.
"It's getting late right now, we have to get dinner started"
Then give mom a task that she can do while you putz around getting things ready.
"I was just thinking we should have a few cookies and a glass of iced tea, let's sit on the patio for a bit"
Then get some cookies and some iced tea. Or other snack she likes.
"Mom, I feel like having some ice cream, do you want to go to the Dairy Queen and get a cone with me?"
Only do this if it is safe and easy to get her into the car for the little drive. A little time in the park might be nice as well.
If all other methods of redirecting do not work talk to her doctor about antianxiety medications that might take the "edge" off.
There is a very good 33 page booklet you can download called Understanding the Dementia Experience. It may offer you more insight into what is happening in your mom's mind and how to best respond to her.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Good luck. I know how difficult all of this is. The long goodbye is the worst for us daughters. Make sure to take some respite for yourself during this caregiving journey or you'll get SO burned it it can affect your health in a negative manner. Sending you a big hug and a prayer for peace, too.
It is as painful for us as it is for them (maybe more), and it typically goes away sometimes in weeks, sometimes in months.
I wonder if you might do a little better for you saying “We have a lovely room here that we aren’t using and we would LOVE to have you visit here for a nice long time before you plan to leave us”. Might work, might not.
This is one of those painful situations when there really isn’t a good solution, so you wind up having to choose among a bunch of solutions that aren’t really happy for either of you, but as I’d said previously, it passes.
Be sure you’re doing good things for yourself and planning respite breaks so that you can refresh yourself. You’re important to her, but you have to be important to yourself too!