He gets angry or frustrated over seemingly nothing at all and wants to leave, he actually packs his bag and tries to head out the door. It literally takes me about 2-3 hours to talk him down. The next day he does it again. I just had to go look for him because he walked away again.
Where does he want to go?
Can he leave the house without you knowing?
Does he do this at the same time each day?
There are medications that can be prescribed for anxiety and agitation. It might take a bit to get the correct dose and get it working in his system. It is worth a call to his doctor.
Does he have a place in mind that he wants to go? If so can you talk to him about it? Get him to sit and talk before he "leaves". This is a form of "distraction and redirection" that might help.
After sitting and talking, maybe having a bit of a snack, say " it is to late to leave today so maybe start your trip tomorrow"
If this happens at the same time each day it might be his version of "Sun downing" and it might help if you adjust the lighting. Brighter lights (LED's are great) and close drapes so that he can not see shadows and reflections. (Sun downing does not happen just at sundown it can happen any time)
Can you keep him busy and occupied so that he gets tired and wants to rest rather than leave.
Taking 2 or 3 hours to talk him out of leaving is a LONG time. This must frustrate you as well as him to no end. Trying to argue or change the mind of someone with dementia is like Sisyphus pushing that boulder up a hill for eternity. Never gonna win that one!
While keeping him at home is great, and he gets great care if it gets to the point where it is no longer safe you do need to consider placing him in Memory Care for his own safety.
My Husband was an escape artist I can not begin to tell you all the things that I did to keep him in the house, keep him safe. I was a bit younger then and I honestly do not know if I could do now what I did then. (Crystal ball still broken, can't see forward or back)
Bottom line is you want to do what is best for him, you want to keep him safe.
Having to place him in Memory Care is NOT failing it is acknowledging that his care is more than you can do at home.
Hiring a caregiver is an option it would then be 2 of you to monitor him.
And one last thought.
Are there Adult Day Programs in your area that he could go to.
Most will pick up in the morning and drop off in the later afternoon,. He would have a snack, lunch and activities. It would give you a break and he would be getting out.
If your husband is a Veteran the VA may have Adult Day Programs in your area. Contact the local Veterans Assistance Commission and they can help determine if he qualifies for any services (their service is FREE)
There are limited options for what you can do about it. Your husband can be kept medicated and this may help. Or you should start looking at memory care facilities.
No one can live with the constant anger, frustration, hysterics, and constant state of waiting for the next hysterical crisis to go down because it will destroy them.
Now, I'm probably a ways younger than you. Being here with my mother for the last few years and living in the constant state of waiting for the next hysterical crisis has almost killed me. I also have 25 years of homecare experience with the elderly and dementia.
It's time to start thinking about making a permanent decision for how to move forward with your husband's care. You cannot continue in this state for your own sake as well as his.
I think this is one of the most painful early behaviors following a dementia diagnosis.
If he is a large person who could potentially hurt you, you’ll have to consider your safety SOON.
You already know it's almost impossible to reason with him. Two or three hours to "talk him down" only works because you've worn him out and he gives up. You've also worn yourself out. And it makes no impression; he won't remember what you've said, and then you're doing it all over again next time.
People will post all sorts of ideas such as locks for the doors, alarms, putting a black rug in front of the door so he'll think it's a barrier, and so on. He's past the point where any of this can work. He may start trying to get out at night. Let's just say you have a door alarm that goes off at 2:00 a.m. and by the time you wake up, he's wandered into the dark. Are you going to chase after him in your nightgown? Or decide to put on a coat, and by the time you're outside, he's sitting confused in someone's hedge or heading down the middle of the street in your neighbor's car, where she left her keys? How many door alarms can you stand going off in one night? If you bring them back, they try again.
Your husband's behavior puts him in danger. Please find a place where he'll be safe and help him get there. I'm very sorry this is happening to you.