How can we get Mom to sleep?

same boat. it feels like mom doesn't sleep at all, but in reality, she was sleeping a couple of hours at a time several times throughout the day (for more than 10 hours total), and then she would be up all night watching TV, playing on her tablet, playing on her phone, snacking, and roaming around the house. She would then report in the morning that she had not slept at all. She tells her doctor she never sleeps. I explained she is napping throughout the day and stays up all night. Her doctor has tried a myriad of prescriptions, to no avail.

I have experienced a bit of success by putting her on a strict schedule of eating and snacking throughout the day. Because she has GERD, diabetes, and high blood pressure she is now on a healthy (but bland) diet. Breakfast is at 9:00am, Snack is at 12:00 noon, Lunch is at 2:30pm, Snack at 5pm, Dinner at 8:30pm, Snack at 11pm, then Snack at 1am (Snacks and meals are scheduled for medication administration that requires food). After 1am there are no snacks or food available until breakfast the next morning. The last snack of the day (1am) is almonds or walnuts (because I read that they will help fill your stomach and can help you sleep).

And, once I give her 1am meds I take her TV remote, phone, and tablet from her. Now I have had to take extreme steps with my mother. She is stubborn and was capitalizing on the fact that she knew I would be sleeping and would use that time to stay up and snack all night, watch TV, play on her tablet or phone, and roam and fall around the house. Furthermore, she is obese and her doctor has had several conversations with her about healthy eating and exercise. Yet she continues to just lay in the bed all day, only getting up to go to the restroom or get her snacks and meals. I have recently started doing some "chair yoga" with her before her 1am snack so that she is relaxed when she should be ready to go to bed.

Once I started the chair yoga and the TV, tablet, phone, and snack options were removed after 1am it was amazing how many times she was able to sleep through the night. She still has access to her calming music, but no TV, tablet, phone, or food.

Now, is she happy about this solution? No, not at all. But as her only caretaker I have had to figure out what I can do until her doctor(s) can find the right medication for her. I cannot be available 24/7 and I cannot watch her 24/7. I can, however, make sure she doesn't have access to TV, tablets, phones, food, or other things to keep her awake 24/7 and keep her on as regular a schedule as possible. Routine will win out eventually? Good luck, cwillie!

First bit of advice when there is a sudden decline is to check for a UTI (or any other infection), these can cause many seniors to have cognitive issues.
My mom did well with mirtazapine - you could ask about that if your doctor is willing to experiment.
But maybe instead of trying to get her to sleep you need to focus more on keeping her safe and occupied without you through the night. Would she be able to stay in bed, or at least stay in her room, if you provided a TV or radio or some other kind of self directed entertainment? If wandering is a concern making the rest of the house safe will have 24/7 benefits - disconnect cooking appliances, alarm doors and windows, pack away of lock up anything harmful. Beyond that a night sitter may be necessary because you can't continue to be a good caregiver without adequate sleep... or it may be time to consider memory care.

My mother doesn't take pharmaceuticals. I prefer natural supplements.

(I tried Trazodone and it was a disaster so I slammed the door on that one.)

My mother doesn't like to swallow capsules or pills so all of her supplements for sleep are in gummy form.

I begin about 30 minutes before bedtime with 1 or 2 CBD gummies.

At bedtime I give my mother 1 magnesium glycinate gummy. (The magnesium glycinate doesn't cause bowel movements.)

When she needs to have a bowel movement I give her Milk of Magnesia at bedtime.

Also at bedtime with the magnesium, I give her 10 mg of melatonin gummies.

All of these are natural, calming and help her to sleep. There are nights when she is more restless and doesn't sleep as well and I try to take these in stride, but most of the time she will sleep for 5-6 hour stretches during the night.

I also keep her up during the afternoon until around 5 or 6 pm and not let her catnap all day.

Another positive to making her stay up is that she will eat more and hydrate more - I usually give her a choice of water, milk or juice.

Thank you! I will mention that medication to her doctor. Currently on Trazodone and depakote. Terrible reaction to seroquel - hallucinations!
Home is safe … special lock on door - yes she tries to leave. Try to control her diet… but seems to want sugar - typical we are told as they get older the taste buds go and sweet is last to go do they like it. No food after 8 PM.
We keep her awake, take evening walks, etc. We just don’t understand how she doesn’t sleep!!!
She’s never alone … but whoever stays at night gets NO sleep.
I guess we may have to consider a facility. Soooo hard… always says she never wanted to get this way… and never wanted to be put in a nursing home! 😢

Some nursing homes have what is called a gate door for the rooms of "wanderers". The top of the door is cut off to about the height of the residents shoulders. They can see out but can't get out because the door has an outside lock placed farther down so they can't reach it. They still have all their 'stuff' to keep them entertained but the volumn is disabled at night. One lady washed her dolls in the toilet all night long but sang as she did so. Another ironed with an iron that didn't heat. One was given piles of towels to fold. Maybe you could figure out something similar with what ever interests her. Good luck to you.

Mom did have a UTI… it was treated… IV antibiotics in hospital .. then home on oral. Tested and no more infection but her brain is destroyed 😢

Take her off of melatonin. It is not a sleep aid per se but chemically signals her brain that it is time to sleep. If she isn’t sleeping then it is not going to work. Very little/no real clinical evidence of efficacy anyway.

Walk her during the day or afternoon, not at night. Give her activities to do during the day: portable foot pedaled, fold towels, reading to u aloud, sorting “laundry”, whatever she will cooperate with. After dinner no blue-light devices that make her brain too active (tablets, etc). Maybe watch peaceful movies (animated Disney or Pixar) that have as little to no violence or fear in them as possible. We use the closed captions and she reads all the movie, even the credits. Bedtime 10pm strictly enforced. We’ve had success with this, hope you do, too!

Sometimes I think there is an unspoken fear of nightmares, of not being able to control her mind as she is falling asleep, and a deep seated fear of death. When you think about the brain declining and some child hood type behaviors and fears emerging again, the behavior of wanting to be up all night and refusing to sleep are seen in kids, too. Much harder to keep an adult safe.
Glad your MD is working on medications, but often this problem is very resistant. In some people with dementia, the day/night cycle is broken, and the sleep cycle is reduced to naps off and on around the clock.
The 2 behaviors that are very hard to manage at home are nocturnal wandering/agitation and fecal incontinence. These are often the changes that exhaust family caregivers, especially those who are working/have daytime responsibilities.
Do what you can...and start to think about memory care.
Although private pay agencies can provide CGS that you pay for, there are very few places that have overnight awake workers. The cost is highest for those. You may find helpers 'word of mouth' so put the word out that you are looking for help. Or a small posting on local bulletin boards (supermarket, etc) with tear offs for your phone number.
Remember, your needs matter too. If you are injured by tripping on a curb because you are so tired and distracted after being up at night....who takes care of mom then?

We have been giving my Mom special brownie bites (CBD) - with her knowledge! Started this after the melatonin quit being helpful. So, she has been taking them for years. It helps a lot. Very grateful for them. I pray you find a good solution soon!!!

Keep awake during day. Give 10 mg melatonin at night. If more and s needed try mirtazapine or lorazepam.