The day my husband passed away he told me, "I am not going to make it through the night". He went into full cardiac arrest that night. How did he know this? I regret that I did not ask him how he knew and I am searching for answers now. He had fallen out of his wheelchair and had a broken neck. He was 85 years old. We had been together for 20 years. I am missing him so very much and cannot get past the grief. I was shocked when he told me this and very upset. So, I did not think to ask him why he felt this way. Please I hope that someone can give me some sort of answer so that I can move on. Thank you all very much.
I know that the hospice in my town holds a free grief support group that accepts anyone, whether or not they used that hospice. Look for a grief support group at a hospital, maybe, or try to locate one through the local senior center. That's a place where you can cry all you want and no one will point and stare.
I'm sorry they didn't call you back about the counselling. It stinks that they didn't get back to you. I bet you are kind of depressed, and easily discouraged. The Area Agency on Aging in my area has a social worker who would probably be glad to help you find someone, and follow up with you to offer support until you have someone to see.
I guess that you are a private person, and don't find it easy to ask for help. Could you call on a friend to help you make yourself push past defeat to get a counsellor? Do you know any other recent widows? I mean in the last 5 or 10 years. You can probably find someone who can relate to your experience and share hers, which would be good for both of you.
This is a trick I learned to prevent crying, and a Japanese woman explained to me that it is well known there. If you find yourself about to cry, force your face into a smile. For some reason, the pressure of the smile muscles makes it easier for the tears to dry up. I'm all for crying, but it can be embarrassing to be "out of control" when you don't want to be.
I was shocked to get the call the next morning that she had passed. But I knew she was ready - not pleased, maybe, but ready. And I knew that she was spared a long painful decline. That made it easier to feel that she had made a graceful exit, that she didn't feel great distress.
Bspires, just take it easy on yourself. Had he said the same thing before? If he was like my mom she would passed many times. Realize that he is in a better place. If he was not distressed when saying this he was ready. Find a grief support group for yourself. Many churches have them. There is no better therapy than to talk to others going through similar experiences.