I am in freefall following my mother's stroke. FMLA is helpful, but not paid. She will be in rehab a while, but during this time, there is paperwork, and Medicare to try to get help. How do you all do it?
I have considered going back to school so I can be home to care for her while trying to help myself, but it just seems like more debt...
I just want to remind you that your mom has had a lifetime to prepare for her old age. You are not responsible to support her financially, or for her happiness.
While she is in rehab, work with discharge to figure out where she can safely live after her stroke.
Look, EVERYONE wants to age in place. There are times when that simply isn't possible. If your mom needs more care at home tham she can affors to pay for, you shouldn't be expected to have your life hijacked to maintain a charade of independence.
Put on your own oxygen mask first.
Is there a reason you can't go to your job while she is in rehab?
I realize that you care about your mom. It can seem confusing at first.
I did give up my job to care for mom. I became very depressed afterwards. I lost my sense of self.
You have your own future to think of. I don’t know your mom’s financial situation but there are options to consider.
Please contact your mom’s social worker to discuss what care options would be suitable for your mom.
Do what is best for you and your mom. Keep your independence and allow your mom to be independent as well.
It changes mother/daughter dynamics when the daughter is the primary caregiver. You can look after her by being her advocate.
Best wishes to you and your family.
You are in what I think is called in psychology *cognitive dissonance*. Mental stress by holding two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time.
Those being;
I must look after my Mother +
I can't look after my Mother.
The 1st being what you feel you should do, your values. The 2nd being real world practicalities.
It took me quite a while to move from that space.. you will have to move at your own pace. Find realistic plans.
I live in an individualism society. Price of living is high. I need to earn to pay my own bills (no-one else will). But we also have good social welfare support - my relative has other options besides me that can provide the physical care she needs.
Other cultures can work differently I know. Multi-gen families that consider the money/property belongs to the whole group.
In my case, without a big team of siblings etc all pitching in + shared finances - the practical realities are that I work & they source Govt assisted resources.
I think I realized today that my keeping my full time job will allow both of us to have a better quality of life, so whatever that means for us, it will have to mean, so I need to set it up that way. Such a hill to climb though.. X(
I can go to my job while she is in rehab, but it is what she will need when she comes home that has me worried. Not sure I can do the getting ready for bed, bathing, and 2 - 3 meals, not to mention help with trips to potty if she should need that as well as all cooking and cleaning. I will have to see how she much she gets back from therapy, I suppose.
Truth be told I think most of us are pretty helpless to prepare for the costs of stroke and debilitation. She has already lived 10 years post retirement on fixed income. There is only so much of that you can put away... Housing bust took the rest.
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