I hope this is a caregiver coming for a visit. Just tell hubby that you need some help around the house. You're 88 and can't do everything you did when you were 60! Don't ask him about it, just do it.
You are 88 years old & your husband is 94! You tell him you cannot DO this alone anymore, sorry buddy! While he 'doesn't feel like we need help', YOU need help. So unless he'd like to move into a nursing home full time, you're hiring HELP to come into the home part time. Period. Tough love is often required when pig headed elders decide their wives ought to be their personal slaves.
Get that hospice evaluation going too, like Grandma suggested. That would let YOU off the hook for the 'bathing' headaches and lots more. Please do not kill yourself while attending to your husband; your life matters too, just as much as his!
Wishing you good luck and Godspeed putting your foot down in terms of what YOU need to make this chaos work!
If you are talking about a Caregiver that you are getting in to help you care for your husband you can do a few things. Introduce the caregiver as YOUR friend. Say "Marvin" this is my friend "Betty" she and I are going to have a some coffee and chat this morning. Sit and talk to "Betty" about what you need her to help with. and she can help you do a few things. The next time "Betty" comes tell her that you have to run out to the store for some milk and eggs. While you are gone she and "Marvin" can chat and she can help him if he needs it. A few days of this might get your husband to the point where he more easily accepts help. A good caregiver that is used to working with people with dementia can do amazing things getting them comfortable and getting them to do things that sometimes family can't do. By the way if your husband is not on Hospice you might want to give a Hospice a call and have him evaluated. With Hospice you would get a CNA that will come in a few times a week to shower him and order supplies, a Nurse 1 time a week to check him and you can ask for a Volunteer that can come and sit with him a few hours each week. (this would be free) And you would get all the supplies and equipment that you need. All of this is covered by Medicare/Medicaid and other insurance.
Good luck.
Get that hospice evaluation going too, like Grandma suggested. That would let YOU off the hook for the 'bathing' headaches and lots more. Please do not kill yourself while attending to your husband; your life matters too, just as much as his!
Wishing you good luck and Godspeed putting your foot down in terms of what YOU need to make this chaos work!
Introduce the caregiver as YOUR friend.
Say "Marvin" this is my friend "Betty" she and I are going to have a some coffee and chat this morning.
Sit and talk to "Betty" about what you need her to help with. and she can help you do a few things.
The next time "Betty" comes tell her that you have to run out to the store for some milk and eggs. While you are gone she and "Marvin" can chat and she can help him if he needs it.
A few days of this might get your husband to the point where he more easily accepts help.
A good caregiver that is used to working with people with dementia can do amazing things getting them comfortable and getting them to do things that sometimes family can't do.
By the way if your husband is not on Hospice you might want to give a Hospice a call and have him evaluated. With Hospice you would get a CNA that will come in a few times a week to shower him and order supplies, a Nurse 1 time a week to check him and you can ask for a Volunteer that can come and sit with him a few hours each week. (this would be free) And you would get all the supplies and equipment that you need. All of this is covered by Medicare/Medicaid and other insurance.