I have a 94yr old mom who has dementia/cognitive decline. I noticed little things began to get so difficult, even with the help of hired caregivers. I made the most difficult decision to put her in assisted living. Totally beautiful place with amazing people. Her own suite. Lots of help and activities and possibility of friendships.
I am the only one left. Lost my dad and sibling.
She's been there a few weeks and is not adjusting well. She thinks I hate her and begs me to go home, but it’s unsafe. I’m struggling so much mentally and so is my health. How do I cope? Is this behavior ever going to improve?
Making everything more difficult, time to back off for your own wellbeing.
Time to rethink everything as she is safe and in a nice place, if anything serious happens they will call you.
Being a helicopter child is not the right thing to do, does not help either of you.
Let her make friends and settle in.
Things will improve.
I am learning, through counseling, that I simply will never know what would have happened had she stayed in my home. She could have fallen, something much more severe could have taken place and she may have had the same exact outcome. Choosing to keep her at home does not automatically mean an easier path.
This disease has more victims than just the afflicted. It touches everyone around and leaves so much heartache and second guessing.
But…I did the best I could do with the information I had at the time. I did not have the advantage of the knowledge I have now. My life has recovered, my health is better and my marriage is solid.
Making yourself a priority seems counter intuitive but YOU are worth it. You need to balance your mom’s needs with your own. Give it time.
Spend time building new activities and routines into your own life. Find people who nurture you - members of your faith community, join a support group that meets in person, or indulge in a hobby/work/interest that involves others. These friends can help balance the input you are currently getting from your mom.
Until you accept that this is how it needs to be, you will
My 91-year-old mother is in a SNF and is doing better than she was at home. It took a while (around 6 weeks) but once she realized almost everything, she asked for was provided, she could do crafts and socialize, she started to enjoy living there.
As others have mentioned, don't visit for a while and let her adjust. If anything happens, you will get a call.
Justalady,
A few weeks for someone with dementia is not a long time. Actually for anyone adjusting to a new location, new routine, new people it is not long.
Remember starting a new job, or going to a new school? It takes a while to get to know people and get to know your way around. Not to mention that people still have cliques that they "hang" with. some welcome new comers, some don't. (remember (((shudder))) high school? )
Ask if they have an "Ambassador" a longtime resident that will take them under their wing and help them find activities, or often there is an activities director that can encourage her.
Things will improve give her time.
If you are there all the time trying to keep her company you might want to back off so she has to depend on residents.
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