My mother-in-law (68) came to live with us two years ago after suffering a massive stroke. I am a young mom, 36, with a 5, 3, 1 year old and a new baby on the way. I also work and watch my kids from home.
I feel like a prisoner in my own home.
My MIL is a hermit. All she does is watch TV, either the news or murder mystery. She doesn’t call anyone to pick her up, she doesn’t want to go outside, nothing. She won’t even go to church.
She also has high blood pressure and a rare autoimmune disease caused by the stroke so she has a very strict diet. She gets frustrated she has to cook her own meals, or when we don’t offer her our dinner. I find myself not living at all, things like baking with my kids, cooking the things i enjoy (bacon!), or going out to eat, because I prefer to just avoid the confrontation of her getting upset or making snarky childish comments, plus I just feel bad… how is that?
I feel very resentful and angry. Here’s why…
More than anything, I feel angry because she made such poor choices that put her in this situation. Smoke, drank and ate poorly. We warned her, but she wouldn’t listen. She also had a very codependent personality prior to the stroke. If you do one thing for her, she starts to expect it all the time. I feel a crazy person because it’s hard to tell when she is lying and being codependent vs when she’s actually struggling.
Ultimately, I don’t feel peace in my house. She’s always there. The TV is always on. And I am CONSTANTLY thinking about her.
I’m trapped.
I’m a strong woman of faith and I believe the Lord has me in this season to sharpen me, but I am frankly sad. I try to take it one day at a time because when I think about her being with us for 10+ years I get incredibly upset.
What is a young mother to do?
Does she have the funds to go to an assisted living facility? Have you discussed this with your husband?
I am sure that it’s terrible hard to manage being a mom to three children and care for her. When is your baby due? All of this stress isn’t good for you while you are pregnant.
Do you have any outside help? Who will take care of her when you go to the hospital to have your baby?
Have you spoken with therapist about this situation? A good therapist can help you sort out your feelings and help you plan what is best for your family.
Has she gone to rehab after her stroke? What does her doctor say about her condition? Have you contacted Council on Aging in your area to get an assessment on her condition?
Wishing you peace as you continue on your caregiving journey.
You say that you rely on your faith. Pray for wisdom to help you find a viable solution.