My mom's brother is a jealous person and nosy to boot. The problem is when he talks to her he asks a barrage of questions that would normally not be asked if her mental state was better. I know he’s using her vulnerability from her mental illness, to “seize the day” to find out information that is really none of his business. I have tried talking to him about it but I just get “ok.” It’s very hard because she is elderly and I feel kind of being taken advantage of. Of course her brother is not sickly, but he just want to know. I am trying to minimize my mom's anxiety but it’s hard when relatives work against you. I have tried blocking his call but he texts me wanting to know if he can talk to her, see how she’s doing. It just adds another layer of difficulty to an already difficult situation. Does anyone have any tips? Thank you!
If it's financial information then if you're the POA you have every right to tell him that all financial information should be referred to you and then handle his questions as you see fit. A simple 'that is Mom's confidential information that she has asked not be shared,' should suffice.
If his questions are more personal - for instance - probing her mental state with leading questions or asking questions that have to do with her care then you can also intervene as her care-giver (assuming you are your mother's care-giver), and insist that he refer those questions to you.
Have you asked your Uncle why he persist on 'upsetting' your mother? Does he not trust she is getting adequate care? Sometimes if you confront unwelcome behavior with reasonable questions it causes the person to reflect and better understand that perhaps they are being overbearing.
It is inappropriate for someone to take advantage of a person's mental state. You sound as if you've made it clear that what he does upsets your mother; if he persists then I would simply explain that he has repeatedly ignored your requests and since you are the one that deals with the fall-out, you will have to limit his contact if he cannot understand the damage his behavior is causing.
It would be helpful if you spoke to your mother's physician and explained the situation and her doctor could confirm that what your mother experiences as a result of her brother's intrusiveness is detrimental to her well-being. That way if thing should get nasty you have a 'back-up'.
Wishing you well and...Good luck!