I was asked to plan a memorial for a little one that the family lost. I planned and did all of the work myself with help from a couple of siblings. During the event, I overheard my mother calling me a "slave driver" as she talked to my cousins. I never asked my mom to do anything because I know she can not get around well. Why does she belittle me in front of others?
I am sorry that your mom belittled you. Is this a regular occurrence?
Why would your mom object to you delegating certain tasks?
What do you usually do when this happens?
If you have discussed this subject with her before and nothing has changed, it may not even be worth having a conversation with her.
You can’t control her behavior or her reactions to being confronted. You can control what you do through.
In the future I probably wouldn’t discuss important matters with others in front of her. In other words, don’t give her the opportunity to put in her 2 cents.
Wishing you all the best.
Should say, ‘You can control what you do though.’ Why would my phone switch it to saying the word ‘through’ is beyond me!
My fault for not proofreading because I know that my autocorrect consistently makes changes that are inappropriate.
I pray things will turn around for you and you can find comfort in the fact you did the right thing for the right reasons and put aside the negativity of the situation.
Me, I would confront her and be clear that you will not accept her behavior. If she continues, pull away from her, she is toxic to you.
Take care of you.
I find those who seem to be able to deal with Mothers like this, do it from a distance with humor. I like Ways answer she stands behind Mom rolls her eyes or does the crazy finger twirl next to my head.
What you could have done when the service was over or at the luncheon, was make a speech thanking your cousins by name for their help and saying "I hope I wasn't a 'Slave Driver'." and look Mom right in the eye. You stand up to these type of people.
her response, ya, she’s a slavedriver.
There is no tragedy so hard to understand.
if she normally says things like this about you, be prepared with a quick wit comeback and gracefully walk away, after a gentle hug.. she’s your mom.. not nice to say things like that about your kids.. and this time it was not appropriate.
If she ever says you’re a slavedriver, or something, calmly reply with a warm smile..
“yes, thankfully everyone I asked to help out, especially for this, did so willingly and respectfully. I greatly appreciate everyone’s efforts and so does the immediate family. Thank you Mom for acknowledging all the work we did. 😌. I’m glad you approve. “
Because you did all the work and she’s assuming people were thinking or they were praising you out loud .
She was not the center of attention and could not take credit for any of the event planning .
If this is how she is all the time, the rest of the family knows what she is .
I learned to roll my eyes , shake my head No , or do the crazy finger twirl next to my head while standing behind my mother . It was better than getting in a no win argument with her where she would deny, deny, deny and act like the poorly treated victim.
During these times of grief, people can say things that they shouldn't. People can do things that they otherwise wouldn't.
Let this one incident go. However, if she does belittle you in front of others, as a normal conversation, ask her why she does it.
Be prepared for her to try to sweep it aside. You need to assert yourself and tell her not to do it in the future, and come up with a plan ahead of time of potential consequences to her action.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. (((HUGS)))
P.S. No matter how old your Mother is, she can change her behavior to be more respectful of you.
”I never said that!”
At a memorial for a little one, no less. Awful for the family.