How do I deal with mom when she calls me names or belittles me while talking to others?

First of all, my condolences for the loss in your family. It was very kind of you to plan the memorial.

I am sorry that your mom belittled you. Is this a regular occurrence?

Why would your mom object to you delegating certain tasks?

What do you usually do when this happens?

If you have discussed this subject with her before and nothing has changed, it may not even be worth having a conversation with her.

You can’t control her behavior or her reactions to being confronted. You can control what you do through.

In the future I probably wouldn’t discuss important matters with others in front of her. In other words, don’t give her the opportunity to put in her 2 cents.

Wishing you all the best.

I am so sorry you're feeling this way, and she does this. One thing I try to remind myself is some people feel they get their power by putting others down. When it happens to me, I try very hard to put on a blank face and just turn and walk away. I do feel fear of others judging me but try to remind myself that if these people really knew me or cared they would come and talk to me, otherwise they may not be worth it either. It is so hard to do and practice since it doesn't happen all the time and it can catch me off guard at times, but I keep trying and keep telling myself these things.
I pray things will turn around for you and you can find comfort in the fact you did the right thing for the right reasons and put aside the negativity of the situation.

Because she doesn't respect you and most likely is a narcissist, that is standard procedure for them, they pick one and do everything in their power to make others think less of them.

Me, I would confront her and be clear that you will not accept her behavior. If she continues, pull away from her, she is toxic to you.

Take care of you.

As Burnt would say call your mother out on it right in front of whomever she is belittling or bad mouthing you too. Stand up for yourself and set the record straight. And if mom won't stop after that then stop taking her to events and family functions.

Does she do this all the time or is this new. You have in ur profile she has some age decline. Maybe she was just kidding.

I find those who seem to be able to deal with Mothers like this, do it from a distance with humor. I like Ways answer she stands behind Mom rolls her eyes or does the crazy finger twirl next to my head.
What you could have done when the service was over or at the luncheon, was make a speech thanking your cousins by name for their help and saying "I hope I wasn't a 'Slave Driver'." and look Mom right in the eye. You stand up to these type of people.

I think, maybe it was hard for your mom to compliment your work you did with this funeral.. this person must have approached mom and said what a nice job you did..
her response, ya, she’s a slavedriver.

Your mother is a bee-atch, pure and simple, and the sooner you learn to ignore her silly comments, the better. You should have been doing this since childhood! She sounds awful.

So very sorry for the family's loss of a little one.
There is no tragedy so hard to understand.

i Am sorry you went through that.. I seem to put a twist on things..
if she normally says things like this about you, be prepared with a quick wit comeback and gracefully walk away, after a gentle hug.. she’s your mom.. not nice to say things like that about your kids.. and this time it was not appropriate.
If she ever says you’re a slavedriver, or something, calmly reply with a warm smile..
“yes, thankfully everyone I asked to help out, especially for this, did so willingly and respectfully. I greatly appreciate everyone’s efforts and so does the immediate family. Thank you Mom for acknowledging all the work we did. 😌. I’m glad you approve. “

Why does she belittle you ?

Because you did all the work and she’s assuming people were thinking or they were praising you out loud .

She was not the center of attention and could not take credit for any of the event planning .

If this is how she is all the time, the rest of the family knows what she is .

I learned to roll my eyes , shake my head No , or do the crazy finger twirl next to my head while standing behind my mother . It was better than getting in a no win argument with her where she would deny, deny, deny and act like the poorly treated victim.

I am so sorry for you. You did the best that you could with the people that you had. I am sorry. (((HUGS)))

During these times of grief, people can say things that they shouldn't. People can do things that they otherwise wouldn't.

Let this one incident go. However, if she does belittle you in front of others, as a normal conversation, ask her why she does it.

Be prepared for her to try to sweep it aside. You need to assert yourself and tell her not to do it in the future, and come up with a plan ahead of time of potential consequences to her action.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. (((HUGS)))

P.S. No matter how old your Mother is, she can change her behavior to be more respectful of you.

Sorry that your mom said a mean thing about you. Especially at such an emotional time and after you did so much work. Ungrateful? Could she have been "kidding" or is this a pattern? Either way, I guess you have to expect her b.s. to continue. I guess it's time to set some boundaries and leave her presence if/when she has mean things to say.

Why not ask her why she's doing such a thing?? I'd cut right into that conversation and ask her what on earth she was talking about, since she didn't lift a finger to do one single thing for the event!