My mother is 89. She has always been “high maintenance.” That’s putting it mildly. My sister and I have a full-time job and are both trying to help her with her failing memory. In addition she’s mean and demanding. She throws tantrums like a 3 year-old. She refuses to see a neurologist or any appropriate doctor. It’s taking a terrible toll on us. My sister is recovering from cancer and I also am in poor health. I fear the stress will do us in. She’ll probably outlive us both.
Until then when she starts leave, tell her that you will do it every time and do it, on the phone say "Nice talking to you and hang up" if she calls back do not answer.
Set your boundaries and stick to them, you do not have to put up with her nonsense. You hold the key to your happiness in the palm of your hand use it to unlock the door to a happy future.
I have spoken to my mother for 12 years, I had enough, she is now in assisted living, another story, my brother has to deal with her, I will help him when needed with the business end.
No one else in the family speaks to her. Her brother has not for 35 years or so.
My brother & I fear that she will outline us, after all she is only 98 in February!
Sending support your way!
It’s completely obvious that your mom is driving you and your sister crazy.
You can’t force her to listen to reason. A catastrophic incident will have to occur before she admits to needing outside assistance, even then she may refuse help.
I am sure that it is beyond frustrating but there isn’t a quick fix to situations such as yours.
You are very wise not to feel that her care is solely your responsibility. Stay strong and do not succumb to any of her demands or tantrums.
When you need a break, please take one without guilt. Your health is important. Your sister deserves to heal from her cancer in peace. Neither of you need extreme stress in your lives.
Vent all you wish. There are many compassionate people on this forum who have been through or are going through difficult situations with their family members.
Wishing you all the best as you continue on in your caregiving journey with your mom.
Lynxspirit (great name!), I hope people who’ve been in your situation have some good suggestions and advice for you. 😊