My husband and I live with my 83-year-old mother, who has a lot of health problems. If I leave her sight around the house, she finds me and asks what I'm doing. My husband and I can't go to our bedroom to watch TV because it upsets her that we aren't in the den with her. Where she sit on the loveseat, she can see every move we make. We can't even go out the doors because the doors are near her loveseat. Mother and I take a nap every day and every day she asks me if I'm going to lay down and take a nap. About eight o'clock at night, she starts asking me if I'm ready to go to bed. She wants us to go to bed about 9:00, but my husband and I will on purpose stay up until 10:00. She'll finally head off to bed. She goes everywhere with us and I have to help her wherever we go because she can't see well and her balance is bad. We can't get away from her until we go to bed at night. Then, I have to set my alarm to get up at 8:00 or she wakes me up if I'm not up. This is a prison for my husband and me. How do I get her to stop following me all day long?
A little to the left for me and I'm glad my mom doesn't live with me, but if she did, I wish she would still be able to "shadow" me. If my mom could still get around easily I'd be on cloud nine.
But then again she doesn't live with me and I still do understand what you are saying.
Of course we all need our space, but it can quickly change from 'needing my space' to "STAY OUT of my space" which can cause agitation and escalate into combative behavior within seconds.
Any 'wisdom' I share is in an effort to help others. I lost my mother on May 7th and really shouldn't be 'here' at all, but my heart tells me to help others that may not know just how confusing Alzheimer's or any dementia can be to US! God bless.
Please talk to someone about the 'symptoms' of Alzheimer's and how to deal with each of them or do some research on SHADOWING or sundowning syndrome.
They are not purposely trying to things "on purpose" to aggravate you. They truly do not remember. I often heard family members say "I think Mom is just 'faking it'. But if you spend enough time with her, you would realize that she is geniunely confused. But if you are not familiar with what Alzheimer's can do to the mind, you might misunderstand their actions.
Please be kind.
We are in the process of making our little room off limits to her. The old care taker, my nephew, had done that, but we thought it was mean, well he was right and now we are reaffirming that the extra bedroom is OUR space.
She still will knock on the door for a lot of silly reasons. Some things I think she does on purpose just to get me back out in her area, like screw up the TV channels.
To your mother YOU are security. I sincerely believe that in their eyes, when they are uncertain about what to do, they look to 'us' for security. Try reassuring your mother when it comes to her insecurities. Don't do thing just to irritate her, that would be unkind. There were times when my darling and I would pretend to go to bed, just so Mom would settle down for the evening.
Make her feel more secure, give her something meaningful to do and you may find that she is more at ease. Perhaps even a nightly routine may help. Ask her to help change the bedding, or fold laundry to help occupy her time while you and hubbie relax.
I do hope this helps.