How do I get my mom to get some help from other people instead of us? she always says that all her friends and nieces tell her if she needs anything, just give them a call. It’s really getting exhausting to go down there every week to cut grass and handle the plumbing. We need a day just for us. Sure, if we are able to ride together, we get three hours. Then we start doing things. For example, my husband has Sunday, Monday and Tuesday off work and we are dropping my FIL at my BIL's and going to my mom's Sunday and Monday. The thing is that my husband wants to do everything for her so she doesn’t have to ask anyone else. She feels sorry for us having my FIL here, but she doesn’t think going down there is also a lot. Anyway, her hairdresser messaged me (she has been awesome) and said she told my mom if we cannot make it down to cut the grass, her husband would be happy to do it. My mom never mentioned anything about it. I asked her and said she doesn’t want that. I said that would really help us out, especially when my husband only has two days off. How do I get her to ask others for help?
So FIL is back? I though he was staying with BIL?
Message the hairdresser and take her up on her offer to have her hubby cut the grass. Ask if he would be willing/able to do it every other week. Then you and your husband could go on the weeks the hairdresser's hubby is not scheduled to mow. This would cut your obligation to mow Mom's place in half and help her get used to the idea of having someone else help her. If she objects, kindly and lovingly point out that having help with the mowing eases the burden on YOU, and that you appreciate how concerned she is that you have your hands pretty full with your FIL.
She may never become comfortable asking others for help, but you can certainly accept help on her behalf. (Also, you might point out that people are OFFERING to help, and you think it would be nice to let them feel useful.)