Are they bad enough that you have taken over their affairs and medical decisions with power of attorney? If so, their willingness is irrelevant, and it's your job to make the decision for them.
If they aren't bad enough for you to take over, then you really have no say in the matter until they are, or a crisis of some sort makes the decision for them.
If it's the former, and you have a place picked out, talk with their people. They deal with reluctant newcomers all the time, and sometimes a therapeutic lie is employed such as the house needs tenting for termites or a major plumbing job needs to be done. They'll have to get out of the house for a bit while the work is done, and then they just don't go back home. Either way, talk to the people at the MC, because they have all sorts of methods to help.
Yes, do consult with the admin as they have seen it all and will be glad to help in whatever strategy is necessary. "Calm" is the operative word.
AnnReid is referring to using a "therapeutic fib" storyline to make their cooperation seem necessary and important. I've read on this forum where family has told their LOs that the house has an infestation, a gas leak, a mold problem, and they need to temporarily stay at a hotel or apartment until the problem is fixed. If it is possible for someone to take them out for the day while others move their furniture and items to the MC, then the familiarity of the their surroundings will help. It may be better that they don't watch things being moved or packed up. I wish you much success for a smooth transition!
To add just a bit to the good answer already offered, keep your thoughts focused totally on the reasons you have made this very difficult but necessary decision- loving concern, safety and supervision, structure, social interaction……
Everything considered, ANYTHING that achieves the goal of getting them there is fair game. Trust that it will possibly be even harder for you than it is for them.
If you feel the need to bend the “truth”, don’t fear it. Focus on the greater good. If they didn’t NEED what you’re undertaking, you wouldn’t have to employ manipulation.
Your residence manager will also suggest how long you should wait to visit. Your mom and step-dad need to learn to rely on the staff in their new home. If you are there too often or for too much time at first, it will make the job harder for them.
I spent many happy times with my LOs after they had adjusted to. Ei g residents in “the hotel” (their description. I hope you and your family will too.
If you have selected the Memory Care facility where they will reside talk to the staff. The administration has dealt with this from more than 1 person. And there will be adjustment for both of them as well as you. They will decline for a bit, they may "bounce back" but maybe not. They may say they hate you. but know that you are placing them because it is in their best interest. Your goal is to keep them safe. The fact that they are together will help a lot.
If they aren't bad enough for you to take over, then you really have no say in the matter until they are, or a crisis of some sort makes the decision for them.
If it's the former, and you have a place picked out, talk with their people. They deal with reluctant newcomers all the time, and sometimes a therapeutic lie is employed such as the house needs tenting for termites or a major plumbing job needs to be done. They'll have to get out of the house for a bit while the work is done, and then they just don't go back home. Either way, talk to the people at the MC, because they have all sorts of methods to help.
AnnReid is referring to using a "therapeutic fib" storyline to make their cooperation seem necessary and important. I've read on this forum where family has told their LOs that the house has an infestation, a gas leak, a mold problem, and they need to temporarily stay at a hotel or apartment until the problem is fixed. If it is possible for someone to take them out for the day while others move their furniture and items to the MC, then the familiarity of the their surroundings will help. It may be better that they don't watch things being moved or packed up. I wish you much success for a smooth transition!
Everything considered, ANYTHING that achieves the goal of getting them there is fair game. Trust that it will possibly be even harder for you than it is for them.
If you feel the need to bend the “truth”, don’t fear it. Focus on the greater good. If they didn’t NEED what you’re undertaking, you wouldn’t have to employ manipulation.
Your residence manager will also suggest how long you should wait to visit. Your mom and step-dad need to learn to rely on the staff in their new home. If you are there too often or for too much time at first, it will make the job harder for them.
I spent many happy times with my LOs after they had adjusted to. Ei g residents in “the hotel” (their description. I hope you and your family will too.
And there will be adjustment for both of them as well as you.
They will decline for a bit, they may "bounce back" but maybe not.
They may say they hate you. but know that you are placing them because it is in their best interest. Your goal is to keep them safe.
The fact that they are together will help a lot.