My mother in law is living with us. We can no longer care for her as her health has declined. She doesn't want to go to assisted living so everyone is insisting she stay with us but yet no one helps. There really isn't any money. How do I get her into an assisted living/nursing home as a ward of the state? We have looked into an elder attorney but just can't afford one. It's causing huge problems in my marriage. My kids are miserable. If I make her leave my husband will resent me but we all resent him with her here. I feel like I'm in a no win situation.
Second, you don’t have to “make her leave”. You just stop what you and the kids do for her, and leave it to your husband. OK, cook enough for him to dish her up a meal, include her sheets in the wash and leave clean ones out for him, but that’s it. If your husband wants her in his home, he does all the care. He will then make up his own mind about her staying in his house. It's your home, but you are not running a private care home for his mother.
As you don’t seem too clear about care options, educate yourself here. If you click on ‘care topics’ a the top right of the screen, you can then click on A for Assisted Living (which you need to enter on a paid basis) and M for Medicaid (which can be the entry for free nursing home care).
Sometimes that first step is the hardest.
Assisted Living is out of the question if your Mom-in-law can't budget for the cost. She can sign up for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] that would help find her a nursing home. But note, in order to get into a nursing home, she would need to qualify health wise. Contact your State Medicaid office.