I’m coming upon 7 years without any respite for my mom with dementia. I have been doing this everyday and I’m extremely tired. My mom is difficult: she won’t wear a diaper, doesn’t understand anything, doesn’t want me to clean her up and is combative. She still walks and can eat, but everything else is impaired.
My parents (dad is no longer here) left me with no means to hire anyone nor money for care. I have been bootstrapping money and stretching the money I have for as long as I can. But I’m at the end... She has medical insurance from my dad’s job and a small monthly check. Hospice won’t assist me, they say she is not ready yet. How else can I receive help?
it would give you a few days to look forward to and possibly ease both of you into a permanent stay for her.
is there an aging organization in your community that could help direct you on financial aid issues ?
My experience with hospice: my mother was already in MC, for well over 3.5 years when she had a stroke. Hospice denied, despite dementia, almost no hearing, losing eyesight and already in a wheelchair. The stroke affected her right side, swallowing and speech. They said no, she hasn't lost any weight in the last 6 months! Seriously, she just had the stroke, she isn't going to lose weight that fast. The MC nurse stayed on top of it and made them come back. She DID lose weight in those few weeks, so she was approved.
That said, hospice isn't going to help much in your situation. They deliver supplies such as briefs and wipes, can get access to medical devices, etc, but they don't really provide care, not what you need. Focus on the Medicaid and/or VA benefits (if she or your dad were in service and meet certain requirements, there is funding, but generally you can't get both - go for the one that provides the most, or take one until the other pans out and provides more.)
Seven years is way more than I would have been able to do! Hoping you can find help soon!
If she’s under the care of a physician, that person may able to prescribe some mood stabilizing medication that will help to manage the stubbornness and tantrums until you can see your way clear to some management alternatives.
Medicaid coverage varies from state to state, but you should e able to fin the information you need about your own state from somewhere online.
Please find out and report back here.
Medicare provides for Respite for Hospice patient caregivers.
Is mom a Veteran? If so depending on where and when she served she might be eligible for many services. As far as mom dot wearing incontinent products.
Remove all her other underwear from her drawers and replace with a pull up type product. If she asks about it say her other underwear is in the wash and she needs to wear these.
If she is competitive ask her doctor for medication for anxiety.
If it becomes more violent call 911 and tell the dispatcher that you are afraid for your safety and even mom's. Request transport to the hospital . Once at the hospital talk to a Social Worker about options.
You can also call your local Area Agency on Aging and ask what options there are.
It is possible that you/she may be eligible for services.
Contact the Area Agency on Aging for help and information on what services are available and will help you and mom.