How do I handle a cruel sibling?

The truth is you are asking your siblings to inconvenience their lives for another person, even if that person is a parent that is a tall order.

You will not be able to change them and getting angry with other because they are putting themselves first is a waste of time. Trust me they are not losing any sleep over this, so please just let it go.

Is there a happy medium of sorts where you basically stop regular communication with your sister, the kind between sisters that has her complaining and looking to you for help but not severing ties completely and boldly that would stress your mother? You can cut her from your life but not your mothers or your family (Mom, Dad and siblings) life. Only contact her together with brother to relay information about mom and Dad not asking for or expecting help just keeping them informed. Let her be the one to reach out if she wants more and only bite if it’s in a way that gives you comfort trying again, if she asks about the change (she probably won’t) tell her the truth. Your mom doesn’t have to be aware of the shift at all, as it should be and can go on seeing things through the rose colored glasses she needs. At 86 she deserves to see all the rose she wants!

I am so sorry and I SO wish I had a better answer, but the sad truth is that we cannot change others. You cannot change your family. You will have to decide how much you can humanly handle on your own just as though they did not exist. Let go of anger; it will do not good. Let go of the relationships instead if that is what you must do. Wish the folks who are toxic well, and move on. I am so sorry. Having no siblings is tough but when you have one that is cruel it is worse than nothing. Again, move away from it; you can't change it. Best of luck out to you.

Its funny isn't it that kids can all be raised by the same parents and be so different. I am one of 4 and the oldest. My sister had this way about her that made people want to do for her. An attitude that she deserved the help. (She was 5ft 8 and on the heavy side. I am 5ft and average weight. Now who would u think needed help) She took money from Dad to pay her rent because she had her priorities screwed up. Not sure if she ever paid it back and my parents could have used that money. My one brother was her first boy and we always called him the "golden boy" because he was. A blond blue eyed tall, slim, good-looking guy. The youngest always did his own thing. The boys rarely called Mom or visited her. (Sister died in 96)

At this point, except you will get no help from your sister. Ask Mom not to give her anymore money because that money is needed for Dad's and her care. If she continues to not much you can do about it. You...have your hands full. I would cut down on visits to Dad. He probably doesn't really know what days you have been there and what days you haven't. Mom is the priority now. A fall can be serious for an older Senior. You are going to burn out if you don't pace yourself. Dad is safe and cared for. Maybe this is a good time to call brother and tell him it would be nice if he visited Dad because Mom needs help now. Sometimes you just have to prod some people. Take time for yourself. Take a day or two off when you feel Mom can do for herself.

Sister is a lost cause. She is self-centered. If she asks something from you say No got my hands full. Do not go out of your way for her. If she calls and you don't feel like talking don't pick up the call. Is she asks what your problem is, tell her "you". You take and never give back. All Mom has done for you and you can't even visit her. You take money that Mom needs to pay for Dads care. You are a selfish person and I can't believe we were raised by the same parents.

There is always at least one child who does the caring. And its hard for that child to understand why the rest of the children do not want to do for their parents too.

Hi OP!!

I am HelloKarma.

I recently posted a kind of similar post to you.

You said:
“I feel that I need to remove my sister from my life. She's been cruel to me in the past, but being cruel to my Mom is the last straw.”

I would say, if you feel you should cut her out, then do so. I have pretty much done so with my sibling. (Sometimes, I must talk to my sibling.) I used to not cut people out of my life, but sometimes the behavior is too horrible.

Toxic people will drag you down, your whole life. They’ll never stop.

Good Morning,

I am in the same boat. I have been at her beck and call any time she needed anything--babysitting, AAA+, pocketbooks, rides after school for her children, etc.

I think we are both surprised when there was no reciprocation. Unfortunately, life is not even Steven. It took a long time to accept siblings behavior. Now I do something different.

I used to make her lunch, etc. have a good bag for her when she did help out. I was treated worse, disrespectful.

Effective January 2022 (the New Year, out with the old and in with the new) when I see the phone number of the caller ID I do not pick up but tell my mother, baby sis calls. Mom has given her $$$ for this Old House (a/k/a "the $$$ pity).
New electrical, free babysitting so sis can pursue a career. Now sis is MIA. No help...tells me Mom is your responsibility.

Now when she does come which is seldom, I go to an indoor pool, and get things done, gas up the car, etc. and when she leaves I return. My door is always open for visits but I am not going to be mistreated any longer. It was always too one-sided and I needed to set some boundaries and must say I feel much better now.

Live well--exercise, eat right, take up an instrument, calls friends, study a language when you are sitting in the docs waiting room, go to Church/join a Church, have the Eucharistic Minister come on a Sunday for your Mom, pay yourself 1st by writing a check to your pension so you will not be living on popcorn in our old age.

I think you get the message...hope this helps! You are not alone my friend, every family is the same.

Don't let your brother off the hook!