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MargieRKB: Your MIL cannot nor should not live in her own house any longer. She requires managed care facility living, most likely memory care. Her malfunctioning brain does not dictate how and where she will live going forward.
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This is a case where “keeping her in her house as long as possible” isn’t helping her. Quite the opposite.
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healthy choice snacking all day was our answer. Mom had a bowl next to her favorite chair and she could take anything out of it she wanted anytime she wanted to. Meals were hard for her, even with small portions and finger foods. We did add vitamins and ensure/boost drinks to compensate for any missing nutrients.
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I think the meal issue could be eating alone. My mom started eating out alot for lunch after dad died. She started having trouble swallowing while out for a meal. When i brought food to her and ate w her no prblm. Eating out w her no swallowing problem. This was 25 years ago. We went thru all the same steps you have taken since then. Had to toss an old microwave out bec of forgotten food that had become a plate of fuzz. She began to fix sandwiches and started eating ice cream for supper. Ice cream on a stick was a fav for awhile. One decent meal plus snacks is good for a senior who is not active. If you are still cooking invite her over once a week to eat with y’all. If her husband is recently gone then she misses him at meals. I really feel for you as you navigate thru this stage. We, too, kept mom at home as long as possible till age 90.
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Get help! Soon she will be hungry and not connect it to the need to eat. We ordered moms meals for a while and that was helpful when she could use the microwave. Sounds like Monday - Friday 10-7 might work for now - they can make sure she has BLD and meds along with company that isn’t you.
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Update. MIL had her third fall in a month's time. The hospital did workups and found no cause. She will be in rehab for a little while on discharge unless she refuses. Her kidneys showed some stress from dehydration. (AKI). While she does not qualify for full nursing or memory care, the hospital staff all agreed that assisted living would be a great solution. She would have meals provided, get social stimulation and also mental stimulation. She is basically rotting in her house. Since my husband is her only living relative ALL her care falls on us. There is no where for her in our house (it is full, no ground floor bathroom), we would have to provide her meals and encourage her to eat and drink, and monitor her for falls and provide social and mental stimulation. That is pretty much full time care. I know some of you wonderful people do that. We would prefer assisted living because she is so incredibly uncooperative with us.
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Is there a trusted friend or neighbor that would be willing to stop in and check in at one meal a day?
We made my granny cute reminder pictures in cheap type frames when she started with dementia.
"Hey beautiful, in case we forgot to tell you ___ made your favorite food in the red bowl in the refrigerator, all you have to do is put it in the microwave-shut the door and push that yellow button"
By the microwave the note said.
"STAY HERE UNTIL YOU HEAR THOSE ANNOYING BEEPS WHICH TELLS YOU THAT YOUR FOOD IS READY. IT MAY BE HOT SO USE THE OVEN MIT HANGING UNDER THIS PICTURE "

We made her a collection of index cards that she kept in her pocket. Start early and it will be 2nd nature once dementia advances.

Her doctor was impressed that everyone was eager to chip in to keep her in her home as long as possible. And she was right on target when she Said
Your gonna miss this and wish the time didn't go so fast.

RIP TO THE WOMAN WHO WOULD HAVE GAVE EVERYTHING FOR HER FAMILY. can't wait to see you again.

Sorry for rambling
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Your MIL needs a caregiver.

My friend’s mom has dementia, too. It doesn’t occur to her to eat. The only solution was for my friend to hire a caregiver who helps the mom eat: breakfast, lunch, dinner + snacks. She eats now.

VentingisSNACK
(I wish it wouldn’t occur to me to eat. A few pounds overweight)
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Margie, I commend you and your husband for the loving care you are providing. It’s not easy. I think one additional thing I would do in your shoes would be to have one of you go over every day (or hire someone) and either share a meal with her or visit while you provide the meal. It’s clear she is not capable anymore of feeding herself well. We’ve been down the road of leaving meals in the refrigerator and freezer and feeling the frustration when they’re not touched. And yet, for us, when we eat with my father-in-law, he is a hearty eater. If you knew she had one good meal a day, I would think you could relax a little.

Best to all of you! It’s so hard!
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