Mom put me on her credit union accounts years ago when she stopped driving so that I could do her banking for her. I ask her several times a year whether she wants to change that and she always says I'm the only one she can trust (my siblings are both irresponsible with money). Her SS is direct deposited and any checks that come in from pension or investments, I deposit for her. When she entered memory care 3 years ago, she asked me to bring her $200 a week in cash, which I did because it IS her money and who am I to tell her she can't have it? I figured she wanted it for lunches and shopping with the facility. I stopped her credit cards and did not give her blank checks at the recommendation of the care facility.
My sister took her to a medical appointment and, when looking for Mom's insurance card in her purse, found almost $1000 in cash. She told me and I stopped bringing money to Mom for a couple of months, explaining that I knew she hadn't spent what she had. When she started again asking for money, I brought $100 a week. As her dementia has progressed, she has begun losing money. She declares it to be stolen from her, and it is possible that it was, but more probable that she spent or misplaced it. The problem is, she keeps asking me to bring her more. When I suggest that she keep less money to avoid it being stolen, she gets angry. I tried explaining that the facility does not want her to have large amounts of money lying around her room or in her purse. There is a footlocker in her room that she and I have the keys to and she wears the key around her neck. She locks her purse in there (when she remembers) and several "valuables," such as her candy, snacks, some prized sweaters, her camera, and some costume jewelry. I keep a debit card for her account that she uses for purchases on our weekly shopping trip. The hairdresser at the facility sends me a monthly bill, which I pay from Mom's account. I understand that she feels destitute without ANY money, but on the other hand, she is vulnerable to unscrupulous staff, dementia addled residents who toss her room regularly, and her own forgetfulness. She thinks I'm just being mean and trying to take what is hers. Not sure how to proceed.
I think your answer that the facility is no longer allowing this amount of cash to be kept is wonderful, and I would engage them in a "therapeutic lie" to tell her this with you. Even a lock box can be carried right out. Clearly something has made this whole cash thing important to her, in her dementia, but it isn't realistic. This is a LOT of money.
You say you are both on Mom's accounts. I hope that you are her POA. It isn't necessarily a good thing to mix and meld the names on Mom's money for record keeping and the future. More qualified than me (Tacy, for instance) could likely explain the reasons why, but I would pass by an attorney how best to handle this.
Good luck.
However, one must keep in mind that a sum regarded as trivial by one person may be considered significant by another, especially if the latter is a petty thief or a drug addict, so it still should be guarded carefully. (For example, a desperate person may attack or kill someone for that amount, although hopedly this wouldn't be an issue in an AL or NH.)
Learning our LOs' dementia behaviors is a constant creative adjustment, but (respectfully) going forward you and sister will need to scrutinize things your mom asks you to do. Giving her cash in a NH is very ill-advised as sometimes theft is a "crime of opportunity"...too tempting to someone who may not have been planning it. Maybe someone in the NH is telling your mom to ask for the money??
The tuck shop was there too but as she was diabetic I provided small chocolate bars that they gave & 'charged her account' - she would often buy one for a friend too & they would have great fun with their treats
As mom got further it was just having something in her purse not the amount - much like a young child would rather have 4 nickels than a quarter because then it was 4 monies not 1 so she may get to where 3 $5s are more important than a $20
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