My sister-in-law is the POA . My 96 year old father-in-law still lives in his home. She gives my husband 100.00 weekly to buy her dad food. We live closer. We usually go through the money 6-7 days since my FIL is fussy so it’s mostly takeout. We tell SIL that the money is finished but it takes her and her husband 4/5 days into the next week to produce more money despite my husband's reminders.
I don’t want to be involved but it’s cutting into our funds. We’re asking that she pay every Saturday so this doesn’t happen.
Of course, I’m the mean one to constantly have to bring this up while my sister-in-law sits home doing nothing.
My sister in-law never worked and her husband is retired. My husband works full time.
If they don’t follow this schedule then I have to get involved since my husband backs off from arguments with his sister.
Am I wrong to insist in this schedule?
I don’t think I am. My husband isn't seeing or realizing that his sister could do more.
Of course he feels bad for his dad.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Yes, just charge his credit or debit card. You should be saving receipts anyway. I really don't think Medicaid would question $100 a week going out of his account, but I still would back it up. His statement will show the smaller charges. Even with a credit or debit card, give her the receipts.
This is a win win for both of you. You don't have to bug and she doesn't have to keep withdrawing money. And thats how I would approach it.

Where does Dad eat that it cost $100 a week? My husband and I eat out a lot. We share the meals we buy because there is so much. Dad should have leftovers. Or, does he eat them for lunch?
Helpful Answer (0)
Arcmiddle14 Aug 2020
We live in New Jersey
Take out, pizza , You spend 10.00 a day just on dinner. Some days we buy bread, lunch meat that lasts a few days.
Its my fil.
We both work , that’s all we can do
it’s mainly my husband that stops in
I just help occasionally, my husband helped me when my dad was not well.

He needs more of a weekly shopping order but that’s for the POA to figure out . My fil can’t prepare , heat, or microwave due to poor eyesight
Does your Husband want to keep delivering dinner? Maybe he enjoys this time with his Dad. A little daily check in.

Or does he feel other options could be explored?

That may decide the direction.
Helpful Answer (3)
Arcmiddle14 Aug 2020
Hi yes I told him that. He can take him for a ride or bring dessert after work and let her handle the food.
His parents gave her POA since she was considered the smart one. Boy did she fool them

I had POA for my dad but he was in a nursing facility for two years. Life isn’t easy and my sil is discovering that fact
thanks for the responses
I would do home delivery service each week, SIL could charge the food on her credit card. There are some really good home delivery services. Some guarantee their food service. Husband needs to speak up and be firm. His sister should handle the food business since she has POA of his money and current situation is not working. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (0)
gladimhere Aug 2020
EB happy that you agree, except it would be a daily order.
Tell sis to take care of it, wash you hands of it entirely. Tell sis to start ordering through Door Dash or one of the other services available. There is quite a variety available. UberEats?

Of course this is too much for hubs. He just wants to get home after a day at work.
Helpful Answer (2)

Absolutely agree with credit card (or debit card). In either the Dad's or POA's name. Great suggestion. Statement is itemised, nice & tidy.

It sounds very stingy & controlling to withhold the food money & just awful to have to have to hassle/beg every week for it.

I can feel your resentment from what you write - understandable! It would be a reasonable request to state 'this is not working for us' & suggest the credit card instead.

I wonder if it is a trust issue?

What's the relationship like between these two - brother (your DH) & sister (POA)?

Also, can I ask, who actually pays for Dad's food? Dad? In which case Sister POA can regig to pay direct (leaving out the middle step of your bank account).

Or does sister pay from her own pocket - causing HER resentment? Causing her to withhold the funds as she doesn't feel she should pay?

Clearer communication between brother & sister would help.
Helpful Answer (1)
Arcmiddle14 Aug 2020
No it’s his money. My fil and sil are financially secure.
I started to get involved accidentally
After seeing his condition you feel for him
My sil has been using the excuse that they take him to his doctors. They haven’t done that since January
Aldo sil and her husband use the excuse that my fil has poor eating habits. When we bring him
a 15 dollar fish dinner he eats the whole thing. He a little fussy but he has an appetite . And he’s often very hungry.
Its a shame this happens in families.Im an only child so I had to care for my dad alone, no excuses and no one to help .
It’s something everyone faces

Thanks for the advice
Shakes head,
I would of grab the little POA, pulled her aside and said this is your choice, Buy him Gift Cards to his favorite places to eat or do the ordering and delivery on your end!

Look at her and tell her" you don't want me to make a call do you?"
😂 Why all these nonsense words? Get to the point!
Best Wishes!😊
Helpful Answer (0)
Arcmiddle14 Aug 2020
I just help my husband since he helped me when my dad was ill
I don’t spend my money on my fil
thats why were demanding that she
reimburse us for anything spent.
This isn’t my responsibility but I see that my husband likes the time he spends with his dad. Sil should be there more but that’s another story
What about a credit card exclusively for eating out and food purchases?

Credit card is in the fathers name but the bill goes directly to POA SIL. Hubby could carry/keep the card in his possession if there is a worry that dad might loss or misuse it.

Hubby should still get and keep the receipts for your safety and SIL
would have a neat statement for her own POA records.

Win- Win?
Helpful Answer (3)

You can always call APS and report that the POA is withholding money that makes the vulnerable senior food unstable. No food in the house is reason for them to intervene.

I would make it clear that the games are over and they give you a credit card or debit card that ensures that dad has food or you will have to call the authorities to ensure that he is being protected from her.

Not providing the finances to ensure his wellbeing is a violation of her POA responsibilities. This is serious business and she is committing a crime by making him food unstable by withholding money. She is obligated to make sure that he is paying his bills in a timely manner, she is his representative only because he can not be, but she must act on his best interests, whether she wants to or not.
Helpful Answer (5)
Arcmiddle14 Aug 2020
Wow your right
I’ve thought about that .
I would do that if this situation doesn’t improve.
Hes eating well with us and sil and her husband don’t tell the truth about how often ghey visit
Thank you
See 2 more replies
I would think at some point giving her the receipts would be that answer, at the end of every month. If you are cooking, then come to some contractural agreement about that, as well. Having to address this over and over again is going to wear you down, likely her wish. I am assuming that your Father has the money to pay for this, and the POA Sister can just write out the check? Give her the receipts.
Helpful Answer (0)
Arcmiddle14 Aug 2020
Yes thank you. He has the funds and yes we started saving receipts. The receipts are for our protection. And your correct in saying we have to have a contractual agreement.
I feel we’re doing the work and holding back on the cash is just not fair. He has next to nothing in his refrigerator.
thank you for responding to my question
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter