Feeding, bathing etc after two close surgeries, much constant pain and a variety of other medical issues.
My husband is in rehab for strengthening and rehab of shoulders. He hates it and wants to come home. He has endless requests and depression keeps him hyper focused on his discomforts. I am tired just dealing with him and staying most of the day with him. I know he will be the same at home. Having a terrible time getting him in to see someone to be evaluated and treated.
It makes me feel so guilty having him stay, but I worry about my own emotional state when he comes home. He’s a retired physician and used to being in charge. I need a plan!
I have checked with an Elder Estate Attorney and will soon find out a little more information but for now I'm managing. Still, on days when things go well with no major problems, I too feel like maybe I'm wrong to go through with this. As you said, we have always taken care of things and as a wife we even feel it's our duty, thus the guilt. I have it too! But on a day when out of the blue my husband acts out badly, I think how much longer can I just do nothing and I feel justified, less guilt.
I definately would follow up on any advice you've received. Even that is frustrating because you always have to leave messages and wait for a call back. Sometimes that doesnt happen and you call again. I was told by the Elder Estate people that I have to get Social Services to evaluate my husband in order for him to go to a nursing home. I left messages twice before they even responded. She only said she would put him on the list and it was another week or so getting an appointment scheduled. At this time I'm still waiting. It also took weeks to get an appointment with the lawyer. I was told they have to be unable to do five or more things for themselves to qualify for nursing home care.
Even if you think you can't do it right now, find out more about what's out there. If you can go to a support group, the Agency on Aging has those here. I haven't been because I dont have anyone to stay here as he wanders. If you're working, that might be hard for you too. Ours meet once a month and they provide lunch. You need a sympathetic hear to just listen.
Again, I will pray for you and I'm glad to hear that you look to Him already! That has helped me but now I cant even go to church which I'm missing very much. Your pastor would counsel with you also.
attitude is definitely what i need to project to my husband. he does try to
push my buttons to his advantage. thank you
Ask if he can be evaluated while in rehab. Ask if a neurologist can be called in.
If this is too much for you, then consider having him transferred to LTC after rehab. Talk to a SW there. You are the Community spouse so will not be impoverished. Medicaid will look at your finances. With my GF, her parents had their SS and pension. 60k in the bank. Medicaid required that the 60k be split, 30k to each, and Dads half be spent down. Not sure how the SS was split and pension but GFs Mom remained in the house and had the car. If the SW is iffy about how this all works, make an appt with ur local Medicaid office.
how much i appreciate your prayers. i know God is helping me and i am trying to take hold and manage things. i have been more vocal about my needs and the reality of trying to care for him in our home. he really does
just want his way and our son is totally in his camp. a mother/wife can do everything is the way they look at it since i always have.