My mother and I have never really gotten along, and are rarely on the same page about anything. Fortunately I live several states away from her, so I only speak to her by phone. She's deaf and very out of touch with the outside world, so we have really nothing to speak about. She listens to news on the radio all day long, and takes every word very seriously. Every time I tell her what her great grandkids or granddaughter are up to, her first reaction is to go immediately to the darkest place possible. I happen to be going to a comedy show that I'm very much looking forward to. Her reaction was that I'm going to get monkeypox and give it to my grandkids. I just don't even know what to say to that! She gives me advice and tells me what I should do. I'm 63, I'm not gonna listen to her any more than my 40-year-old daughter listens to me. She simply can't let things go, and tell herself that things are not her problem to solve and that her relatives are adults and can make their own decisions. I know she's very old and I should be more respectful, but I just have no patience for anything that she says anymore. I try not to even speak to her because I know it's just going to make me crazy. She's quite healthy and cogent in most ways, but she just cannot ever resist saying something negative about what might happen. Does anyone have a calming mantra that I can tell myself on the next phone call?
I don't have a calming mantra for you to use, I'm sorry to say. Just set a timer for 5 minutes and if/when the convo goes south, ring that bell and get OFF the phone in a hurry. Bye ma, someone's at the door, gotta GO! TTYL.
It's really the only way to deal with her negativity and save your own sanity. Respect is a 2 way street, by the way. I'm sure you've asked her to respect YOUR wishes a few thousand times already & stop with all the naysaying & free advice, right? But that never happens no matter how many times you ask. So now it's your turn to hang up the phone when the aggravation reaches a certain limit. It really IS possible to have a normal conversation with our mothers; they've just chosen to ramp things up to a whole new level of heartburn.
Good luck!
That is a major accomplishment to realize and accept that SHE will not change so you have to in order to keep your sanity.
On health concerns, I might say, “I hear ya mom, but our doctors say it’s ok.” Throw in an alternative medicine provider. “It’s really ok now, and by the way Billy made the team.”
She will probably argue that he for sure will get CTE, in which case just redirect with that we’ve checked with the experts and it’s fine.
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