My mother was moved from assisted living side of facility into Memory Care 8 months ago. About 5 months ago, one of the male residents, who is an unassisted walker like my Mom, started entering my mom's apartment (really just one room and bathroom) infrequently. There are no locks on doors or security cameras either. Then a month ago it started becoming more frequent. Sometimes he follows her after a meal, but occasionally he is lying in her bed when she returns. Three weeks ago, it escalated with my Mom (mid stage dementia) accusing the man of pushing her (no physical indication and she didn't fall) when she told him to get out. A report was filed with the state, by law.
Last week I talked with both the MC director and executive director about how to discourage the behavior. I emphasized that he's invading her privacy, and I'm concerned for her mental and emotional well being. They only had 2 suggestions: put up a physical barrier in front of her door, a "stop" sign of sorts or a paper STOP sign on her door. I opted for the latter, but said he needs to be monitored too.
Since this conversation, he has entered her apartment twice (I've documented each incidence). Before lunch my Mom was in her bathroom in her apartment, and he opened the door while she was still in there! (This is the 8th incidence!) I feel like somewhere in this gentleman's brain he has an inkling of what he's doing.)
My mother informed a staff member who said they would tell the director on Monday. I will also be calling them again about a better solution and I'll also call our state's ombudsman. I'm furious!
My Mom has anxiety each time this happens. Any other suggestions?
Either the staff monitors this man better, or he needs to go elsewhere. Is he going into other people's rooms? Is his room near Mom's? Perhaps one of them needs to be moved to another room (ideally him, but if he keeps thinking her room is his, it might be better to move her.)
If he's following her, then that's harassment, and the facility has a responsibility to prevent that or face repercussions. Talk to the executive director and tell them you want major changes made to protect your mom -- now.
If they are not going to do anything I can only suggest you put a granny cam in her room to record these occasions and then take the results to local authority covering the licensing of the facility. This is totally unacceptable and if this man is doing this in her room how many others is he doing it in. It sounds like he needs to be restricted as to where he can go not other residents. I'm sorry your Mum is being upset by this resident's behaviour, he may well not be able to understand or help it, but it is up to the facility to manage his care properly.
My feeling, your Mom is paying big bucks for MC. She is not a patient she is a resident and as such needs to know she is safe. There is no reason, since you and she have complained, that when he starts to follow Mom a staff member can't redirect him. My Moms AL had locks on the room doors. If the resident looked it from the inside, staff had a key to get in. No problem in someone walking in. I guess MCs don't feel the need for locks.
If you get nowhere, then call the Ombudsman. I look at it as Moms rights are being overlooked.
Please make them take this seriously, My dreadful father defrauded his way into respite care, bragged to me that he had sex regularly with a woman with dementia who couldn’t remember it in the morning. Ha! Ha! Her family found out and removed her, from a nice facility where she was very happy, until my dreadful father moved in. Staff talked about ‘rights for sexuality to be respected’. My dreadful father did nothing that needed to be respected, and he knew exactly what he was doing. Just know that this can get a lot worse.
if you do not have a copy, pls pls get one ASAP.
the report was it done as an internal document or was it actually filed with state MC regulatory agency and with the police &/or with APS?
if it wasn’t filed with law enforcement or APS, the MC isn’t doing anything, it’s going into their own echo chamber.
So the issue then becomes, do you want mom to stay there or move her? If it’s stay there, then he has to go and I’d file on my own a report with law enforcement and APS on your mother’s behalf. You include all communications with the MC in your complaint. The fact that he has entered her room and gets into her bed, I bet has charges that can be filed against him. Her room is her own personal private space that he’s violating. She has an expectation of privacy in her room. I’d be very concerned that his behavior is escalating and that he is going to make sexual advances on her. If your mom was touched by him would she tell you, it’s embarrassing & uncomfortable to speak about..... my goodness he’s in her bed, that’s what’s next, isn’t it? She’s a vulnerable adult. APS deals with vulnerable adults stuff.
You need to do something because you don’t want it where he tells others that your mom invited him into her room. If you think he knows what he’s doing, that will be his excuse.
Have you tried doing a Google search on this man? If your not up for this, ask one of your kids or grand kids to do deep dive on him. Believe me they can do a pretty accurate doxxing in a few keystrokes.
Im kinda surprised that this place hasn’t been more proactive for the safety and security of your mom and other residents. Like moving him into a room within direct eyesight of the nurses station. Is there something abt this guy that makes him untouchable.... like a relative of owner or staff? Politically connected?
Have you made friend with other families that might could shed light if there’s been other issues with this guy? There’s going to be a couple of spouses or kids that go super frequently and will know the all sorts of stuff on residents & staff, that they will be glad to share.
I also suggest you look up the rules for the facility about harassment and sexual assault, since he is definitely harassing her and lying in her bed could be the first step to molestation.
That said, I think the staff is being negligent in deterring this man. Let them know it must be addressed and stopped immediately or you will take legal action. Your mothers safety and well being is being violated. Keep us posted!
We all know - COVID, but when it comes down to something that has caused this kind of annoyance, I’d be wondering what else could be happening. Do you know if the offender’s family has been asked to control HIS meandering?
I caught this at least once before the lockdowns, and when I reported it, our staff had FITS, and jumped into action.
My LO is a tiny feisty little bit of the devil, and it didn’t unnerve her a BIT when her space was invaded, but STILL, where’s the staff?
Good luck with your situation. Put the responsibility on the facility, not yourself. Maybe get the state involved as well. I'm sure they don't want to pay attorney fees. We're paying high dollar, so these places need to meet our requirements!
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