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My DH and his 2 brothers grew up with a passive-aggressive Mom. I think they allowed her to think she got her way and then did what they wanted. My DH never let her make him feel guilty.
Since you did not list how he tries to make you feel guilty. You set the boundaries for you. Your therapist should be helping you with these boundries. He is safe, fed, clean and kept comfortable. He needs to rely on staff. Don't feel guilty if you don't answer any calls. Don't feel guilty if you don't want to visit. He needs should not be much.
Passive aggressive people have a GOAL of making us feel guilty...it's what they do best. They don't want us to set boundaries with them, it defeats their purpose of controlling us thru manipulation and guilt inducing crazy-making. You need to understand how PA people operate so you can beat them at their own game.
Do some research on the subject so you can recognize the manipulative techniques dad is using to make you feel guilty, and how to counteract them. My mother fit that bill perfectly and it took me decades to learn how to deal with her effectively. Or better yet, how to protect MYSELF from all the mental games she played.
I hope this helps you. And being a veteran, thank you for your service. Best of luck.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Since you did not list how he tries to make you feel guilty. You set the boundaries for you. Your therapist should be helping you with these boundries. He is safe, fed, clean and kept comfortable. He needs to rely on staff. Don't feel guilty if you don't answer any calls. Don't feel guilty if you don't want to visit. He needs should not be much.
https://www.excelatlife.com/articles/crazy-makers_guilting.htm
https://www.excelatlife.com/articles/crazy-makers.htm
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/counseling-keys/201403/how-handle-crazymaker
And my personal favorite, 25 Signs of A Covert Passive-aggressive Narcissist. See what you think, if dad fits that profile. Here's the link:
https://lifelessons.co/personal-development/covertpassiveaggressivenarcissist/
Do some research on the subject so you can recognize the manipulative techniques dad is using to make you feel guilty, and how to counteract them. My mother fit that bill perfectly and it took me decades to learn how to deal with her effectively. Or better yet, how to protect MYSELF from all the mental games she played.
I hope this helps you. And being a veteran, thank you for your service. Best of luck.