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I feel for you! It can be exasperating. But since your mother is not going to stop asking one option is for you to just change the way you respond. I hope it helps.
Get care givers in to spell you so you can leave the scene daily and find respite. Or look into Memory Care Assisted Living now. My mother did fine for nearly 3 years in Memory Care and had wonderful caregivers who doted on her.
Best of luck with a difficult situation
I play a game with the repeat questions. My Mom has gotten to recognize the cadence of my rapidly shot off repeat answer..so, when I make up something off the wall, she actually recognizes that it's odd. I cheap way to make her laugh
Two of my Aunts did what your Mom is doing. It was a phase and didn't last but how long it will go on depends on each person. Hang in there!
You break break a dementia loop by redirecting their attention onto something else (when possible) and ignoring the topic of it. I've learned this from 25 years of experience being alone in a home with dementia clients that would hour after hour repeat the same sentence or question every few minutes.
Being condescending to the OP and saying that she doesn't know how she will turn out and just hug her and tell her she loves her is an insult.
I've known people that became the sole caregiver to an elderly loved one with dementia. The best, most loving, patient and compassionate people anyone could ever meet. But, being alone in this kind of care 24/7 will create the conditions for the perfect storm - elder abuse. Always bring in outside help.
My friend "Jane" is a good woman. She moved her mother with Alzheimer's into her house a few years ago. She didn't want or expect anyone to help because she thought she could do it all on her own. Her life has been 24/7 diaper changing, dementia loops, and snide comments. One day last year she lost control and got physical (her mother was not injured). She called me beside herself. I went there and told her it's time to let people help. I called a couple of CNA's I've worked with who were planning to work for me anyway once our agency is up and running. They started coming in seven nights a week. Mom got put into adult day care six days a week. We're lucky in my area we have adult day care that can handle clients in basically every stage of dementia. They even offer showers (when needed), haircuts, and a travelling nail clinic comes.
What finally put my friend over the edge was the repeating.
They needed outside help. Everyone does when they're dealing with a senior that has dementia.
Still, though -- how did you come to be the sole caretaker?
Prayers to you and your mom.
I was an in-home caregiver for almost 25 years and worked for many people in varying stages of Alzheimer's and every other kind of dementia.
When they get themselves into a dementia loop (the repeating and asking the same question over and over) the only way to break the loop is to ignore the topic.
If she is past the stage where she can be redirected, then just stop answering her. Tell her a few times where she is then no more. Eventually she will break out of the repeating loop.
I find that giving the person something colorful to play helps with agitation and repeating. I had one client who's niece was into arts and crafts. She made her this quilted cloth book. It had all kinds of colors and textures and pictures in it. The client loved it. When she'd start up with repeating and agitation, she'd get 1mg of liquid lorazepam and her quilted book and she'd be good for several hours.
I would bring up Lawrence Welk on YouTube yo south my parents because they used to love that show.
Or talk to us.😊
Idk, we made up a list of questions& answers once, but it only worked for a while. big hugs!!
Perhaps a large and pretty Home Sweet Home sign may help.
In a car, keep paper, a marker and tape and simply indicated Grocery store, or Drug Store, or Park and tape it to the dash board in front of her.
I heard of a caregiver that suspended (thumb tacked/push pinned) a huge sign (half a bed sheet) from the ceiling over the foot of a dementia suffering loved one's bed, to be seen first thing upon waking, (and not too low that it blocks her from clearly viewing the other side of the room), saying:
"You're Betty, my sweet mom.
"You are HOME". (could say; Safe at Home)
"I love you, I'm always nearby, your Janet"
Print whatever works for you and her. It could simply say - I love you mom, I'm so happy we're home.
Rather than letting her lead you, you can say you're so funny mom, we are home and then play pleasant melodies like Younger than Springtime from the movie South Pacific, or Wouldn't it be Loverly from My Fair Lady https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wwMvriFYLo.
Get the lyrics and sing along as it plays.
If you can, get her a mechanic purring stuffed animal, it may be comforting to her. Try to find an organization that will help you get one for free. Is she a veteran. Call them and every organization anyway even just to ask for advice.
I'm sorry for your heartbreak and stress.
Please consult with her primary care doctor about medications or for a referral to a geriatric psychiatrist. She may need adjustments in her medications. Be aware that psych meds can take a few days or weeks to be most effective - ask the doctor about how long this will take.
In the meantime, try non-medication strategies as well as medications. Try to distract her from her "do-loop" of questions with activities or other topics of conversation. It also helps to keep her to a consistent routine in a consistent environment. You might make a large schedule and post it where she can clearly see it near a clock. When she asks "what do I do next," refer her to the clock and the schedule.