Mom is 87. Dad passed 2years ago. She moved with us in our retirement and has zero joy. She monopolizes my time and is unable/unwilling to amuse herself. She is constantly underfoot. I need some guidance.
She might do much better in assisted living or memory care where they go to great lengths to keep residents entertained and happy. Smiles and laughter do wonders, and you’re frustrated and trapped, so how can you be cheerful?
Looks like you’ve done the best you can, but you both need relief.
I agree with others who suggest she should be assessed for depression, since there are meds to help this.
I agree she is shadowing, which a dementia behavior.
I think taking vitamin D is ok, too, but you are living in FL so just take her outside for some actual sunshine for 15 to 30 minutes every day (in the mornings when it's cooler, before 10am if possible).
I also ask if she has an actual medical diagnosis of dementia? This will be important to have in getting the most appropriate help for her.
She will be less and less able to keep herself entertained. On this forum are many posts (and answers) addressing this, so be sure to look those up for ideas. I wish you all the best in caring for her, and remember to take care of yourself, too.
Check her Vitamin D levels. Here is a simple article outlining the benefits of D. Your mom may be depressed and needs a little help. If she is not already taking D3, it is probably low. As much as has been written about D3, some doctors don’t check levels. Ask her primary to check hers if you don’t find it on a copy of her blood work. Know that it needs to be at least in the center of the normal range, high normal even better. As we age we don’t absorb from sunshine as when we were younger.
Goggle Mayo Clinic shadowing. This is to a degree a learned behavior that will take some effort to help her be more comfortable out of your presence.
Depression that manifests as a loss of pleasure can benefit from talk therapy. Think about how you feel after a nice chat with a friend in person or on the phone. How it can lift your spirits. Medicare will pay for therapy.
This link below is a summary of the Four Ds of Mental Illness in Seniors. It’s a simple overview that can help sort out these common issues affecting the elderly. I found it helpful in understanding events with my DH aunt over the years.
Your profile says she suffers from Dementia. Following you around it called shadowing and its quite common in Dementia patients, She is confused and probably depressed. I would bet she was showing signs before DHs death and he covered it up. You may want to look into placing her in Memory care if SHE can afford it. If you don't want to do that, Maybe Adult care. My Moms DC picked her up at 8am, dropped her home about 3pm. This gave me time to have a nice shower and DH and I had some time to ourselves. She went 3x a week. Thats what she could afford.
Start by getting her to a geriatric psychiatrist to get her mental health issues addressed. Dementia often causes brain changes--anxity and depression --that require medication.
Get a "needs assessment" from your local Area Agency on Aging. This will tell you what her level of care is.
Examine her financial picture. What can she afford? Aides coming in? Day Care ? AL? Be careful to stay in compliance so that getting Medicaid will be available in the future.
Looks like you’ve done the best you can, but you both need relief.
I agree she is shadowing, which a dementia behavior.
I think taking vitamin D is ok, too, but you are living in FL so just take her outside for some actual sunshine for 15 to 30 minutes every day (in the mornings when it's cooler, before 10am if possible).
I also ask if she has an actual medical diagnosis of dementia? This will be important to have in getting the most appropriate help for her.
She will be less and less able to keep herself entertained. On this forum are many posts (and answers) addressing this, so be sure to look those up for ideas. I wish you all the best in caring for her, and remember to take care of yourself, too.
Check her Vitamin D levels. Here is a simple article outlining the benefits of D. Your mom may be depressed and needs a little help.
If she is not already taking D3, it is probably low. As much as has been written about D3, some doctors don’t check levels. Ask her primary to check hers if you don’t find it on a copy of her blood work. Know that it needs to be at least in the center of the normal range, high normal even better. As we age we don’t absorb from sunshine as when we were younger.
https://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition/benefits-vitamin-d
Goggle Mayo Clinic shadowing. This is to a degree a learned behavior that will take some effort to help her be more comfortable out of your presence.
Depression that manifests as a loss of pleasure can benefit from talk therapy. Think about how you feel after a nice chat with a friend in person or on the phone. How it can lift your spirits. Medicare will pay for therapy.
This link below is a summary of the Four Ds of Mental Illness in Seniors.
It’s a simple overview that can help sort out these common issues affecting the elderly. I found it helpful in understanding events with my DH aunt over the years.
https://www.wrightabshire.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/1601388/2020/10/Recognize-the-Four-Ds-of-Mental-Illness-in-Seniors.pdf
Get a "needs assessment" from your local Area Agency on Aging. This will tell you what her level of care is.
Examine her financial picture. What can she afford? Aides coming in? Day Care ? AL? Be careful to stay in compliance so that getting Medicaid will be available in the future.