We’ve actually been to visit 3-4 times since aunt was released from quarantine about 2 weeks ago but she still does not recognize myself or my cousin and we do visit. After about 15-20 minutes, she seems to get agitated, so we leave. My cousin seems to think she is pretending she doesn’t know us but I’m not sure. Since she lost her hearing aids, it seems like we are screaming at her when we visit so she can hear what we are saying. We feel bad for not going and have talked about it but it’s like she really doesn’t know the difference if we would be there or not. We are trying to get her affairs in order as best we can and was hoping she would be able to give us some guidance but that doesn’t seem to be the case. TIA
Just a thought.
Perhaps try one at a time, just sit down, hold her hand and smile. It’s an easy option that might work better.
If visits upset the elder it may indeed be much better to keep them fewer and shorter. The visits that do no good and in fact do harm and hardly worth doing.
As to guilt, no one here is a felon. No one here is an evil doer. Everyone is suffering grief here. That's the appropriate G-word and words we say to ourselves truly matter. Evil-doers who SHOULD feel guilt never do. And those who are grieving all the losses they witness and live through are a whole other category.
I wish you all the best.