I'm confused along with lealonnie1, as I just answered your other post where you said that he was in so much pain and sleeping a lot, and that you were down because he was drifting away. How does that go along with him looking so well?
You have 2 other posts up right now each saying this:
My husband was aggressive at home & I was his carer.
He was admitted into a NH, last year because he could no longer look after himself. Then this year he had to be removed & admitted into a secure dementia facility because of his aggression. He can’t walk much anymore & spends most of his time in bed. Even sitting up hurts him & all he wants to do is sleep. I am just down at the moment because he is drifting away from me.
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So your current question doesn't make sense to me. Your DH was placed in a dementia facility for aggressive behavior, and spends most of his time in bed due to pain, you say. Then you say "he looks so well" but obviously he isn't, based on the previous statement. He's where he belongs. All you can do is go visit him as you are able. Looks are deceiving. A man who's in such pain that he's in bed most of the time is not well at all and best off in managed care where teams of carers can look after him 24/7.
You are not responsible for his illness and have no reason to feel guilty. Grief stricken, yes, and for that I am so sorry.
Sorry that you are feeling guilty. I'm sure you know that looking well does mean that he is well. I'm also sure that there is a lot going on with him if he is put into a nursing home. If you were providing a LOT of care and were burnt out because it was just too much, then that's OK. We are not required to give up our lives, health and sanity to care for our spouses or parents. We do our best and at whatever point it is too much for us to handle, then we need to find a new solution.
Please forgive yourself and do not let guilt consume you. Do some things you enjoy and get some well deserved R&R.
My husband was aggressive at home & I was his carer.
He was admitted into a NH, last year because he could no longer look after himself. Then this year he had to be removed & admitted into a secure dementia facility because of his aggression. He can’t walk much anymore & spends most of his time in bed. Even sitting up hurts him & all he wants to do is sleep. I am just down at the moment because he is drifting away from me.
******************************
So your current question doesn't make sense to me. Your DH was placed in a dementia facility for aggressive behavior, and spends most of his time in bed due to pain, you say. Then you say "he looks so well" but obviously he isn't, based on the previous statement. He's where he belongs. All you can do is go visit him as you are able. Looks are deceiving. A man who's in such pain that he's in bed most of the time is not well at all and best off in managed care where teams of carers can look after him 24/7.
You are not responsible for his illness and have no reason to feel guilty. Grief stricken, yes, and for that I am so sorry.
Wishing you peace in this difficult time
Please forgive yourself and do not let guilt consume you. Do some things you enjoy and get some well deserved R&R.