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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My dog died in 2017, had a cancer diagnosis, then the treatment. . . parents began declining, and on it goes. This is part of life, but it's happened so quickly. I'm heartbroken.
A change and the end are not the same thing. To paraphrase what an author said...An end is a beginning ..we just don't know it yet. You take one day at a time. You look ahead not back You be kind to yourself You take care of yourself You do the best you can You make the best choices possible given the information and knowledge you have at the time. (If your information changes or knowledge changes you can not beat yourself up for a choice you made previously) Only YOU can make yourself feel guilty. ( if you do all of the above you have no reason to allow that feeling to reside in your mind) And a difficult one..Accept that you can not do everything and you will need help and if that means having someone come in, do not allow your loved one to say they do not want help. If placing your loved one in Memory Care or Skilled Nursing is what needs to be done for their safety then it has to be done.
It is very difficult not to feel sadness when things as we've known in the distant past are no longer as they were - times that were fun, happy, loved ones and pets were healthy. That's the risk of loving and living life. You yourself "honed" in on the fact that "it happened so quickly" and I think that has a large role to play in what and how you're feeling in your circumstances. A lot of us who don't like change to begin with are often taken aback by things that change rapidly as we feel a loss of control. In reality we aren't in control anyway but, we'd like to think when things move at the pace we like or are at least ok with so we can catch our breath, that we are.
I'm sorry for the loss of your dog dying in 2017 - they are like a family member to those of us who have or love animals. When my dog died in my early 20's, I never thought I'd own another dog but when I lost my dad in 2004, my husband wanted to buy me a puppy. At the time I told him no because I was in no condition to take care of a puppy while grieving my first loved one/parent who died. In 2007, we got a puppy who unbeknownst to us was very ill. We had to nurse her back to health for her first nine months of life which was difficult at best. Now, she is almost 14 years old and newly deaf which has it's new challenges. I dread losing her especially now that my 95 year old mother with Alzheimer's is under hospice care at her new facility after contracting COVID and is in the memory care unit. When both these things occurred simultaneously, I had this overwhelming feeling that I would lose them both at the same time. In other words, being heartbroken, sad, depressed is normal under such circumstances. Try not to beat yourself up over it and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling because denying it isn't going to help. Just find a way not to let it swallow you up and be your new norm.
How I've been dealing with it for instance with our dog, Chloe, who is a Dachshund, I've been really pampering her. I bought her some really soft blankets, buy her a new toy for Christmas and her birthday even though she doesn't play with them for very long. She loves to get it when it's new. I give her more treats than I ever used to and I feel more joy when she's enjoying all the goodies. When I "window visit" with my mom, anytime she laughs or smiles I take it all in and when I leave I give her a "thumbs up" sign and she gives it back. I think it's just taking in those "special" moments no matter how small, is what helps me to carry on. Plus, I know that God's plan will always supersede my own and there's no point trying to circumvent it.
So if you can find something, even if it's just one thing, to get you started thinking in the direction of what you can implement into your life to start adding a little good mixed in with the bad or unpleasant, that may help you to carry on during the bumpy often tumultuous road we call "life." I wish you well going forward!
Me too, brother passed 4 years ago from cancer, my dad passed 2001, mom is declining and I feel so stressed and sad. I am heartbroken too. Understand completely. I try to put my cares into Gods hands, it helps me cope. I feel numb sometimes. It seems when things start to get better, another health issues arises. I never felt so much stress in all my life. We need to take care of ourselves in the best way we can. My dog died years ago and I loved him so much, I still tear up with the beautiful memories of long ago. Hold on to those precious memories. May God give you peace and strength.
Do you have sources in your life that bring you joy? I understand what you are saying but it is the reality of the aging process. My mother is nearing 90. I am her only child. She is in AL and has been on lockdown since March. My grown children who all live far away came this summer and she could not see them or her great grandchildren. I felt awful about that but there was no other choice. I talk to her on the phone but there is not alot to say as she is remembering less. I just turned 64 and she couldn't remember what day my birthday was.
I suggest you do whatever you can in a positive manner regarding your aging loved ones as well as find resources to make you happy even if at times that may be hard to achieve. There will be difficult days but hopefully also some that bring you some happiness. In a sense one might feel a little gratitude that you are at this point. It means that a life has not been cut short. I will hope you find some inner strength to cope.
I’ve lost my whole immediate family during the last 8 yrs. I think of the good times we’ve had and the amazing life we all had growing up. Good and bad. It’s life and nothing stays the same. We were a family. We still are and I’m grateful to them all for being a part of my life. Memories are what it’s about now. A little different, but it’s what we have to help us.
It's a tough tough time. My Mom passed away a few weeks ago and my life has been looking after her 24/7 for over 24 years. Watching my best friend decline was the most painful thing until she passed away and that pain tops it all. How do you deal with the sadness? I don't know that you do. It is always there...and at the end of every day in the last 2 years I would cry my heart out and pray. The next day strength would be there to keep going along with the sadness. I read a quote about grief once that said "where there is great love, there is great sadness at losing" something to that affect. It's the price we pay for having had such wonderful parents. You'll find another hard adjustment when they pass on, but you will get through that too. Hang on. Appreciate every moment you have with them, even the sad ones! Thinking of you and sending hugs.
Not that this will help, but you’re normal. You’re going through anticipatory grief. There’s already a “death” because the relationship is no longer what it was. You’re experiencing the ambiguity of their being there but being “gone” at the same time.
Having lost both my parents in the same way, I have found several ways of coping with this. Talking helps but you will easily burn out your listeners if you overdo it, partially because they are experiencing grief in their own life and they can’t cope with theirs so they can’t hear yours. Seeking a professional grief counselor can help. Selected readings such as The Grief Recovery Handbook,” gives you exercises. Massages can help release tension but likely you’ll find your tears through your cell tissue. There’s also a book called Biospirituality where you learn to sit with the kinesthetic experience of loss, and allow them to be there, using your breath to help relax and receive them instead of resist them and they will pass through you. Journaling will reacquaint you with memories and you will find their presence through your memories. I led grief groups in simple yoga exercises that everyone can do to release the grief in your body. Grief is a physical experience because feelings are in your body. The last thing to remember is that our minds are tricky and the pay want to “undo” magically all of the unpleasantness and return to “normal.” We never get over grief. We adjust to the changes and loss.
My parents were always so active and independent I daydreamed that when I was old we would do Things together. They died recently within 8 months of each other. I still am in shock. I go to their house and lie on the bed just for the comfort of it. This is life. It is fleeting and death is forever. I don’t know why I’m struggling to this extent. This is the worst event in my life. I guess it’s that we all are individual with different relationships with our family. My way of coping is to accept the pain. I’m getting by and thats ok.
God love you Susan. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you're hurting terribly and having lost a brother and sister, I empathize; but trust me - it will get better with time. Spend time with friends and try to stay busy. Sending hugs and prayers. 🤍
My LO was my mentor, guard, and life guide. My Mother was my heart and soul. I looked at Alzheimer’s and Dementia, as GOD’s way of slowly taking them away from me and everything I knew and had with them. I found that it was a little easier to deal with the situation by learning to love and treat and enjoy them in a different way than before the illness. I began by loving them more like my child. I still ask myself where did all those years go?
After my mother passed, a friend gave me a copy of 'The Parable of the Twins' in German. I found the translation in Wayne Dyer's book, "Your Sacred Self" as there are several versions on the internet. It comforted me immensely. (I have it on my blog, but I don't think I'm allowed to put a link here.) So Google the title and look for the Wayne Dyer one. And PS, for about two years after Mom's death, whenever I felt that I wanted to be with her, I'd go into my 'Morning Room' where her picture was nestled between all family members, and I'd feel her (their) presence around me as I had a cup of tea or read a book. I would actually say good morning and good night out loud. I didn't care if anyone thought I was 'daft;' it gave me comfort. There are too many incidences in my life that lead me to believe that this is not all that there is. I hope you find peace in your sadness.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
To paraphrase what an author said...An end is a beginning ..we just don't know it yet.
You take one day at a time.
You look ahead not back
You be kind to yourself
You take care of yourself
You do the best you can
You make the best choices possible given the information and knowledge you have at the time. (If your information changes or knowledge changes you can not beat yourself up for a choice you made previously)
Only YOU can make yourself feel guilty. ( if you do all of the above you have no reason to allow that feeling to reside in your mind)
And a difficult one..Accept that you can not do everything and you will need help and if that means having someone come in, do not allow your loved one to say they do not want help. If placing your loved one in Memory Care or Skilled Nursing is what needs to be done for their safety then it has to be done.
It is very difficult not to feel sadness when things as we've known in the distant past are no longer as they were - times that were fun, happy, loved ones and pets were healthy. That's the risk of loving and living life. You yourself "honed" in on the fact that "it happened so quickly" and I think that has a large role to play in what and how you're feeling in your circumstances. A lot of us who don't like change to begin with are often taken aback by things that change rapidly as we feel a loss of control. In reality we aren't in control anyway but, we'd like to think when things move at the pace we like or are at least ok with so we can catch our breath, that we are.
I'm sorry for the loss of your dog dying in 2017 - they are like a family member to those of us who have or love animals. When my dog died in my early 20's, I never thought I'd own another dog but when I lost my dad in 2004, my husband wanted to buy me a puppy. At the time I told him no because I was in no condition to take care of a puppy while grieving my first loved one/parent who died. In 2007, we got a puppy who unbeknownst to us was very ill. We had to nurse her back to health for her first nine months of life which was difficult at best. Now, she is almost 14 years old and newly deaf which has it's new challenges. I dread losing her especially now that my 95 year old mother with Alzheimer's is under hospice care at her new facility after contracting COVID and is in the memory care unit. When both these things occurred simultaneously, I had this overwhelming feeling that I would lose them both at the same time. In other words, being heartbroken, sad, depressed is normal under such circumstances. Try not to beat yourself up over it and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling because denying it isn't going to help. Just find a way not to let it swallow you up and be your new norm.
How I've been dealing with it for instance with our dog, Chloe, who is a Dachshund, I've been really pampering her. I bought her some really soft blankets, buy her a new toy for Christmas and her birthday even though she doesn't play with them for very long. She loves to get it when it's new. I give her more treats than I ever used to and I feel more joy when she's enjoying all the goodies. When I "window visit" with my mom, anytime she laughs or smiles I take it all in and when I leave I give her a "thumbs up" sign and she gives it back. I think it's just taking in those "special" moments no matter how small, is what helps me to carry on. Plus, I know that God's plan will always supersede my own and there's no point trying to circumvent it.
So if you can find something, even if it's just one thing, to get you started thinking in the direction of what you can implement into your life to start adding a little good mixed in with the bad or unpleasant, that may help you to carry on during the bumpy often tumultuous road we call "life." I wish you well going forward!
We go through some hard times but we got to lean on him. That's where I strength comes from.
I suggest you do whatever you can in a positive manner regarding your aging loved ones as well as find resources to make you happy even if at times that may be hard to achieve. There will be difficult days but hopefully also some that bring you some happiness. In a sense one might feel a little gratitude that you are at this point. It means that a life has not been cut short. I will hope you find some inner strength to cope.
Having lost both my parents in the same way, I have found several ways of coping with this. Talking helps but you will easily burn out your listeners if you overdo it, partially because they are experiencing grief in their own life and they can’t cope with theirs so they can’t hear yours. Seeking a professional grief counselor can help. Selected readings such as The Grief Recovery Handbook,” gives you exercises. Massages can help release tension but likely you’ll find your tears through your cell tissue. There’s also a book called Biospirituality where you learn to sit with the kinesthetic experience of loss, and allow them to be there, using your breath to help relax and receive them instead of resist them and they will pass through you. Journaling will reacquaint you with memories and you will find their presence through your memories. I led grief groups in simple yoga exercises that everyone can do to release the grief in your body. Grief is a physical experience because feelings are in your body. The last thing to remember is that our minds are tricky and the pay want to “undo” magically all of the unpleasantness and return to “normal.” We never get over grief. We adjust to the changes and loss.
And PS, for about two years after Mom's death, whenever I felt that I wanted to be with her, I'd go into my 'Morning Room' where her picture was nestled between all family members, and I'd feel her (their) presence around me as I had a cup of tea or read a book. I would actually say good morning and good night out loud. I didn't care if anyone thought I was 'daft;' it gave me comfort. There are too many incidences in my life that lead me to believe that this is not all that there is. I hope you find peace in your sadness.
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