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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I think on the front end - getting paid to be a caregiver for a loved one sounds like the ideal situation - you can't work enough hours to make the money you need - because all of your time is spent taking care of them, right?
Here is the thing - you say you are "forced" to be home taking care of your dad. YOU have become the easy solution - you don't cost him a penny. You don't say why you are "forced" to take care of him though. But the reality is that you aren't being forced. I know it feels that way. As an adult child - especially if you have a parent who was good to you - the pull to be the one to take care of them is very strong.
BUT - there are other options.
As Alva said - if you are one of the "lucky" ones (more on that) to actually get paid by some organization - which is very rare and depends on your state - it won't be enough to live on unless living in your parent's home, their income is paying pretty much everything, and you become largely dependent on them financially without realizing it.
But there is a better chance that the only way you can get paid is to take care of your dad is to have your dad pay you to do so - and draw up a contract that you both sign stating what your responsibilities are and how much he is paying you. That too - won't be enough to live on without him footing the other bills I would imagine.
This is a trap that many find themselves in - caregiving for a "temporary" period that becomes long term and they can't find a way out - because their loved one wants to stay in their home. And then their loved one STILL eventually HAS to go into SNF because their care becomes too much - and everything that the person has depended on - that "extra" pay for taking care of them, the bills being paid by their loved one, the roof over their heads, even a car in some cases - pretty much gone. Because they are assets that will be used to pay for the care.
And that leaves the caregiver with nothing.
Consider carefully removing yourself from the rest of your life in order to care for your father. It may sound good on paper, but often not what people expect - after they have made all of these life changes. And all too often it comes back to haunt them.
I would call Medicaid in your area if your parents are on Medicaid. I can only tell you that your pay would be minimum, would not cover 24 hour care, and is likely a bad idea overall. I would consider placement for your parents and going on with your own life and your own job. Many caregivers we see in your situation write to us on the Forum saying that eventually their parents care requirements were so overwhelming that they had to go on Medicaid finally anyway, and with clawback after their deathes the home was confiscated and the caregiver was left homeless, jobless, without savings and without a job history. We have resorted to recommending that these folk, often in their 40s and 50s go into shelters to begin minimum pay jobs and saving until they can afford to be a roommate, or to rent a room. It is an awful way to be caught in middle age with nothing to call your own.
Whatever your choices I sure do wish you the best of luck.
Dementia/Alzheimer's is progressive. Your Father will need more supervision as time goes on. His mobility will decrease. His overall needs will keep increasing.
This will directly effect your ability to meet your other responsibilities. Bringing your children up, or maybe helping with grandchildren. Working to earn money for your household. Meeting your own needs eg keeping friends, socialization. YOU matter too.
I was working part time and attending grad school when my mom’s care needs required me to attend to her all day. Withdrawing from school meant my student loans would come due and I had to pay them. My mom refused to get out of bed when I tried to arrange for a caregiver for her. It had to be me. It was a whole conundrum.
I had an elder care attorney (the one who drew up her will) write up a Personal Care Agreement so that I could pay myself for providing her full time care. This worked in that I was able to be the one to care for her which was her strong preference and I could also manage to pay my student loans. I did have to give up grad school and my part time job and this solution only worked until she needed 24 hours supervision at which time I had to move her into a facility and discontinue the Personal Care Agreement.
Unfortunately with dementia, they don’t get better and the care needs increase over time. Eventually you won’t be able to care for him by yourself. But start with an elder care attorney. Best of luck!
I have POA for my dad. I haven't heard of if the Personal Care Agreement. Anything would help with costs since I have been watching my dad since last November. I haven't worked since last August except door dashing. It's extremely hard!
Rlwade76: You cannot hold down a job if you're also a caregiver as that also equates to a job. Perhaps dad will have to go into a managed care facility using his own funds, of course. YOU must keep your employment to build up your finances for your own retirement years.
You have to live after your dad dies. It gets harder when we're older to pick up our lives once they're gone. So, we shouldn't give up our lives in the first place.
Call social services and let them know that you are unable to look after your father because you need to work. You don't have enough money to not work.
Your father needs to be placed somewhere that can look after him. It won't be perfect, but nothing ever is. Be a good daughter and visit him when you have time. But don't sacrifice your life for his.
Imagine, 30 years ago, him being told that would happen to you - he'd be devastated because he would want what's best for you. Honour the father he was by living your life to the best of your ability.
You cannot be a caregiver if you have to make a living. That means your dad may require placement so that you can keep a job. Giving up a job and moving in to do care is something we see lead to disaster over and over again on AC. People think that they will inherit a home, but the truth is that eventually care is more than they can do as a single person 24/7 and the loved one goes into in-facility care on Medicaid. Upon death the home more or less belongs to the state in terms of clawing back monies invested in care4/7 .
We have in the past sent people jobless, homeless, without a job history to shelters to start life over, sometimes at the age of 45 or 55.
It is time to accept that you cannot fix this. You must live your own life and support yourself. If you have already explored any options for getting paid as a caregiver I can only assume there is nothing for you to access, and even were you able to find some funding it would NEVER compensate for what is required of a 24/7 caregiver.
Don't do this to your life would be my recommendation. If you truly wish to learn all the things that may be available for you you can see an elder care attorney in your area for options.
In California, we have in-home services that pay $16.85 an hour. They have to be on Medicare which means they have to be destitute for you to get paid. I get paid 280 hours a month to care for my mother-in-law. I hope that helps you
As said, you will not get paid enough to live on either. Maybe it would be better placing Dad. His care will only worsen. You spend down his assets by placing him then apply for Medicaid. My Mom had 20k which took care of her for 2 months in Long-term care. During that 2 months, I applied for Medicaid and got together all info needed. The 3rd month Medicaid went into effect.
Do not give up your job to care for Dad. You need those earnings for Social Security.
We have a wonderful program here called IRIS. It is through Medicaid and it allows the person to choose their own caregivers (including family).
They would need to find out what type of care the person needs, such as supervision and/or personal care and then determine how many hours.
They also will help provide for things needed in the home and activities outside the home. So if there are therapies not paid for by Medicaid normally, this would help cover it.
This is the BEST option to be their caregiver. I have found family to care the most and give the best care. There can be more than one also, it does not need to be just one person.
The only thing I did find that was a negative is not all states offer it to family (big mistake). But, please check to see what might be available.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Here is the thing - you say you are "forced" to be home taking care of your dad. YOU have become the easy solution - you don't cost him a penny. You don't say why you are "forced" to take care of him though. But the reality is that you aren't being forced. I know it feels that way. As an adult child - especially if you have a parent who was good to you - the pull to be the one to take care of them is very strong.
BUT - there are other options.
As Alva said - if you are one of the "lucky" ones (more on that) to actually get paid by some organization - which is very rare and depends on your state - it won't be enough to live on unless living in your parent's home, their income is paying pretty much everything, and you become largely dependent on them financially without realizing it.
But there is a better chance that the only way you can get paid is to take care of your dad is to have your dad pay you to do so - and draw up a contract that you both sign stating what your responsibilities are and how much he is paying you. That too - won't be enough to live on without him footing the other bills I would imagine.
This is a trap that many find themselves in - caregiving for a "temporary" period that becomes long term and they can't find a way out - because their loved one wants to stay in their home. And then their loved one STILL eventually HAS to go into SNF because their care becomes too much - and everything that the person has depended on - that "extra" pay for taking care of them, the bills being paid by their loved one, the roof over their heads, even a car in some cases - pretty much gone. Because they are assets that will be used to pay for the care.
And that leaves the caregiver with nothing.
Consider carefully removing yourself from the rest of your life in order to care for your father. It may sound good on paper, but often not what people expect - after they have made all of these life changes. And all too often it comes back to haunt them.
I can only tell you that your pay would be minimum, would not cover 24 hour care, and is likely a bad idea overall.
I would consider placement for your parents and going on with your own life and your own job.
Many caregivers we see in your situation write to us on the Forum saying that eventually their parents care requirements were so overwhelming that they had to go on Medicaid finally anyway, and with clawback after their deathes the home was confiscated and the caregiver was left homeless, jobless, without savings and without a job history. We have resorted to recommending that these folk, often in their 40s and 50s go into shelters to begin minimum pay jobs and saving until they can afford to be a roommate, or to rent a room. It is an awful way to be caught in middle age with nothing to call your own.
Whatever your choices I sure do wish you the best of luck.
Dementia/Alzheimer's is progressive. Your Father will need more supervision as time goes on. His mobility will decrease. His overall needs will keep increasing.
This will directly effect your ability to meet your other responsibilities.
Bringing your children up, or maybe helping with grandchildren.
Working to earn money for your household. Meeting your own needs eg keeping friends, socialization.
YOU matter too.
I had an elder care attorney (the one who drew up her will) write up a Personal Care Agreement so that I could pay myself for providing her full time care. This worked in that I was able to be the one to care for her which was her strong preference and I could also manage to pay my student loans. I did have to give up grad school and my part time job and this solution only worked until she needed 24 hours supervision at which time I had to move her into a facility and discontinue the Personal Care Agreement.
Unfortunately with dementia, they don’t get better and the care needs increase over time. Eventually you won’t be able to care for him by yourself. But start with an elder care attorney. Best of luck!
Call social services and let them know that you are unable to look after your father because you need to work. You don't have enough money to not work.
Your father needs to be placed somewhere that can look after him. It won't be perfect, but nothing ever is.
Be a good daughter and visit him when you have time. But don't sacrifice your life for his.
Imagine, 30 years ago, him being told that would happen to you - he'd be devastated because he would want what's best for you. Honour the father he was by living your life to the best of your ability.
That means your dad may require placement so that you can keep a job.
Giving up a job and moving in to do care is something we see lead to disaster over and over again on AC. People think that they will inherit a home, but the truth is that eventually care is more than they can do as a single person 24/7 and the loved one goes into in-facility care on Medicaid. Upon death the home more or less belongs to the state in terms of clawing back monies invested in care4/7 .
We have in the past sent people jobless, homeless, without a job history to shelters to start life over, sometimes at the age of 45 or 55.
It is time to accept that you cannot fix this. You must live your own life and support yourself. If you have already explored any options for getting paid as a caregiver I can only assume there is nothing for you to access, and even were you able to find some funding it would NEVER compensate for what is required of a 24/7 caregiver.
Don't do this to your life would be my recommendation. If you truly wish to learn all the things that may be available for you you can see an elder care attorney in your area for options.
Do not give up your job to care for Dad. You need those earnings for Social Security.
They would need to find out what type of care the person needs, such as supervision and/or personal care and then determine how many hours.
They also will help provide for things needed in the home and activities outside the home. So if there are therapies not paid for by Medicaid normally, this would help cover it.
This is the BEST option to be their caregiver. I have found family to care the most and give the best care. There can be more than one also, it does not need to be just one person.
The only thing I did find that was a negative is not all states offer it to family (big mistake). But, please check to see what might be available.
I hope we see more of this "everywhere".