I had initially placed my mom in an assisted living facility after having her reside with my husband and I for almost two years. She didn't want to go, and unfortunately, she felt she didn't have a choice. And honestly, neither did I. It was heartbreaking because I always envisioned taking care of her, if necessary. I never anticipated Alzheimer's. Her one request was to have a private room which I accommodated. Much to my dismay, she declined rapidly, was hospitalized, and consequently placed in a nursing home. She did okay in rehab, was in a private room w/bath, had good and bad days with staff, and at the height of her paranoia, would chain call me daily, and berate me in front of staff. I took it in stride because I knew she was safe, eating well and was not opposing my visits. I decided it was time to return to work so I began to disconnect the phone from 10 pm. until 8:30 am. and found myself being able to go to sleep faster knowing the phone wasn't going to ring. Surprisingly as I began to check the phone in the morning, she began to call less frequently and eventually stopped altogether. Because of the need for ongoing supervision when mom lived with me, I had to delay learning how to drive and became limited in employment opportunities. By the grace of God, I prayed for a job where I could work remotely and do what I love - psychotherapy. He recently granted my blessing, and I went from 1 to 15 clients in 4 days! I feel so productive and proud of myself. I realized I would never have been able to work remotely when mom was living with me. It would have been impossible to preserve confidentiality with her constantly demanding my attention. She was also adamantly opposed to outside help or my brother commuting almost two hours to supervise her. My husband and I even went on a trip to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary and OUT OF STATE! Hadn't been on a trip for 2 years. And then the hiccup! Nursing home informs me mom must move to a shared room. I literally braced for impact! Then I told myself this shall pass. I can't and will not sink into a well of guilt over failing to meet her request of never sharing a room. It was beyond my control. I told myself this can't be the first time a Rehab patient has transitioned to the Alzheimer's unit. I will trust the staff to monitor her, and I will provide support like I always have. I explained to my brother exactly what I needed from him to make this work. He was more than amenable and proud of me for putting myself first. Mom is doing okay, and most of all, still safe. Who knows maybe this roommate will become her new best friend, or at the very least, someone to talk to. Perhaps the private room contributed to her loneliness and enabled her to withdraw from others and activities. I still disconnect the phone but because I'm home I can make sure to touch base with my mom daily, (twice maximum), and block out time during the week to visit. It's funny, I talk about setting boundaries all the time with my clients and struggled to do it with my own loved one. But boy, was I motivated to change my behavior! I feel so much more confident and empowered. I no longer feel guilty about setting my personal and professional goals. I am also so grateful for the forum. It feels so good to know the support is always there no matter what time of day or night. I am grateful that I am now able to support others through my online therapy practice. I just wanted to share where I am on my journey. Thanks for listening! On another note, I think there should be a topic labeled "Self-Care," (or maybe I missed it?) Sometimes I struggle selecting an appropriate topic.
Blessings to all!
It’s inspiring to hear stories like yours. Working remotely is one good thing that came out of the pandemic!