I’ve been on this site since last September and I’m still waiting for a crisis to happen so she can go into a facility. My mother is almost 96 years old, lives alone in her house. She is a hoarder, and also a gambling addict. She spent all of my fathers retirement money. She lives in a hoarder mess. She sleeps in a folding chair in the bathroom. I have called APS a few times. I have called her doctor. I have talked to social workers at the hospital. They all told me the same thing. As long as she is competent there is nothing that can be done. She won’t bathe or wash her hair. She has been in the same clothes for as long as I can remember. She looks like a homeless person. She won’t let me or anybody help her. She has undiagnosed mental illness. Now she really won’t go to a facility with this pandemic. How do you cope? I only go once a week and my son sees her 3 times a week to bring in the mail, take out garbage and go grocery shopping. I don’t call her anymore because it’s always an argument. She’s sweet as pie to my husband and her grandsons. Her feet look awful. She won’t go to the podiatrist. Since the end of March she hasn’t been to the hospital at all. Before March she was a regular at the ER once or twice a week. She mainly was there for anxiety or panic attacks. Funny how she hasn’t called 911 at all since March. I would be she has some type of undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. I have been talking to a therapist which has helped. I just wondered what other people do about coping and waiting for a “crisis” to happen. The last time I spoke to APS they told me to call them back if she was still competent but unable to walk and wheelchair bound.
Also, worrying is useless and wasted energy on your part. Dalai Lama says that there is no need to worry about a problem that has a solution and if a problem does not have a solution there is no help in worrying. Basically there is absolutely no benefit to worrying.
The one thing that will usually have APS do anything, is no running water. A person cannot live in a home/apt without water. It now becomes a health issue.