For example: Last year we talked to momma for two months on how we were going to handle christmas that year. Since she just went into assisted living and was recovering from sublateral hemotomos we didn't think she could handle christmas shopping so we decided to still exchange gifts - like we have done for the past 60 years - but she would just give extra money. Well - there we are christmas eve - I have my presents - and nobody had any for us! We sat there and watched everybody open up their presents. Then momma said "where are your presents"? I almost blew a gasket. By the end of the night siblings knew that momma messed up. Yes she did - but what hurt me the most is that my siblings didn't even send me a text message or phone call to check on me to see if I was alright or say "hey, so sorry that happened" - "are you ok"? Nothing. Due to other events that have happened over the last couple of years involving money. I am POA, Trustee and everything else - I feel like my siblings did not reach out to me for spite. Needless to say husband and I are not having christmas with everybody over there. Now we are going to drive over and see momma - take her out to dinner and I will have something for her but I have no desire to be around my siblings. Also the last two previous years before this one - momma pretty much messed up on those. I know she can't help it but siblings should know that momma has some medical issues. They are more concerned about their inheritance then anything - always have been. It is sad.
I implemented this with family because I was just not going to be caught up with the whining etc.
we always had Christmas at home. I never invited any of the family because my brother would show up to insist on getting money...the rest would say they would come and then ghost us. So, it’s all about expectations. If someone said they were coming (ever), I never told my parents because I didn’t want them disappointed
Really, was it your siblings fault?
I like this years idea. A nice quiet dinner with Mom
We stopped exchanging between siblings a long time ago. Basically it had to do with distance and mailing. Started with once u had kids, the adults dropped off. Then it was the SILs not wanting to exchange anymore. Oh, they gave to their blood relatives but not husbands relatives. One SIL never got packages out for Xmas. My kids got them for Easter and it looked like after Xmas leftovers. No thought put into them so stopped the exchange.
Its sad but things change. Our glue (Mom) got old and no one picked up the traditions. In-laws have their families. I have one SIL that never had children and we have chosen to still exchange. But that has changed the last few years. She is buying more on line and there is not that personal touch. Stores are not stocking as much and giving big discounts before Xmas. So after Xmas sales are sparse and thats where I picked up things. Seems like it same old same old. Running out of ideas. Also, they used to come home every year. Now its mailing everything. I will be telling her this will be the last year. Actually at our ages we don't need more stuff.
I am finding out if you don't expect you won't be disappointed.
Just my 2 cents worth.
My own mother has pulled back from 'gifting' us adults and I wish she would from gifting the grands (youngest is 22!) and the great grands who have NO IDEA who she is. She gives them a $1 bill and gets mad because they do not acknowledge it to her. I've begged her for YEARS to stop with the $5 bill in a card for both the grands and g-grands. B/C she gets so mad that so few of them send a thank you card (this younger generation just doesn't DO TK cards) and so I told her to stop 'gifting' them at all. She is on a tight income and it adds up.
It just adds to the stress of an already incredibly stressful time of the year.
Sounds like it's time for you to break off from your family and do your own thing. Traditions are great, but they never last more than 3 generations, then they simply die under their own weight.
And don't feel guilty!!!
I haven't done holidays with my birth family for decades because of the hateful drama. We have our own joyful holidays and let others do as they please. It took about 5 years for them to stop harassing me about doing holidays. Nope, not ever putting myself or my husband in that position again, yep, I am the bad guy and I am okay with that.
Enjoy the holidays in a way that brings you joy, your siblings obviously don't.
Seems like your entire family needs to tone down Christmas, if you are discussing it for two months prior. Did someone take your mother out of AL to go to someone's else? Or did you all go to the AL?
How are your siblings more concerned with their inheritance than with your mother? Is your mother paying for AL?
Who was supposed to tell your siblings about the planned gift exchange? You or your Mama?
The holidays used to cause me incredible stress, all the work fell on me. I sounds like you have a good plan for this year. A quiet celebration with your Mama.