My mom is 85 and has suffered from dementia for several years. Recently her doctor told me that she is "rounding another corner" and that it's time to find a memory care facility. My mom refuses to live with me & I am the only child left to see to her needs. I have no idea how to bring the subject up because years ago she made me promise not to put her in a nursing home. I feel guilty although, the doctor told me not to; that I am doing the best for my mom. Doctor said that I'd feel more guilty if something happened to her at home.
I'm sure that there a many of you out there that have gone through this situation and I would love some suggestions.
Thank you!
I chose her room, and had a good friend help me decorate it with her things that were still in storage. We took an out of town trip to bury my stepdad, which was really confusing for my Mom, and on our return, instead of her coming home with me, someone else took her straight to the Memory Care. I waited a week to go visit, by then she had settled in a bit. She asked why, and my standard answer was that the doctor had prescribed memory therapy and this was the best place in town. She didn't buy it, but couldn't formulate an articulate argument.
I made up the bit about the doctor's prescription for my Mom, but in your case, the doctor is advising you that the level of care required by your Mom is one that is best met by her being in a dedicated Memory care home.
In face, the more I pay attention to Mom and her moods, the more I realize preparing her for anything only raises her anxiety levels. Her brother recently came for a visit, she hasn't seen him in something like 10 years, and I made the mistake of trying to prepare her. I've learned my lesson....because she's been angry and irritated now for two weeks after his visit, and the visit was really nice and sweet!!!! UGH.
Good Luck. Remember, you aren't lying to them or being cruel, sometimes, full disclosure for them adds too much stress and anxiety.