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Dad is 90 and has dementia. Although he’s never been assessed for it, based on his symptoms we think vascular or Lewy body. He sometimes gets a thing in his head and won’t let go of it. For most of these situations, I can redirect or just comment on it (really? That’s interesting!). But sometimes there’s no way out. Example; despite being immobile and incontinent, dad is convinced that my brother is going to help him buy a car so that he can drive up North to his lake house. We sold his car last spring, and he is not cognitively healthy enough to drive. He currently is in hospice care at a local assisted living residence (their memory care was full). How do you get him off that topic and on to another to help reduce his agitation and stress?

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Like the idea of using the shortage, and warmer weather suggested by cwillie. Of course hindsight is always 20-20. It’s when you’re on the spot (and trying to leave after your visit) and this happens that it’s hardest to come up with the answers! I think that’s how it was for my brother - he’d just had a really nice visit with dad - and had to go. Dad was upset because in his mind my brother was taking him with him and going up north.
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I know what you’re going through, as I’m in the same boat with my own father. When he’s calm and gets on a subject, it’s easier to redirect him. But if he’s agitated, redirection is hard. I had that problem today. He keeps asking to go, as he wants to leave, and my normal things to belay him weren’t as effective. We went for a walk around the hospital, and that helped, as it tired him out, and then the nurses gave him a sedative.

I think there is a point of no return in terms of their behaviors. Our best efforts to redirect work sometimes, but if it’s past a certain point, I think it’s near impossible. I’ve tried music, photos, stories of family members, and nothing makes a dent when he’s in that difficult state of mind. The only thing that does seem to help is lack of stimulation. Lights off, quiet room, no people. Makes sense, really. When you’re upset, you like to be alone.
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You could reduce his agitation and stress by simply following cwillie's post. Stay with what he wants to imagine. There's not much sense in trying to change topics unless he does, and then go along with that one.
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What if you just go with it? The planning could be a fun distraction for him - talk cars, makes and styles and what kind he used to have and what kind he'd buy if he had a fortune. Talk about the lake house and all the fun you've had there in the past. Temper it if you must with the need to search for the right car at the right price (especially with the current shortages) and the need to wait for better weather next spring.
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