My 97 year old mother just had a major meltdown. I suspect that it is displaced anger due to my brother asking her for more money combined with the fact she is going blind and very fearful of her future. However, I am the safe person whom she targets with her anger. I honestly feel sorry for her, but also think the hysterics were really over the top. To see someone that upset at her age with her health issues is scary. Is it possible to set boundaries? The displaced anger is a well set pattern that's been happening for years with all family members as targets. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.
If she has an actionable plan for how to solve the problem of your brother or her health, let her put that on the table.
BUT if she is just verbally abusing you, absent yourself from her presence until she calms down. Or just hold her hand, not reacting, until she calms down.
She may need a visit to a geriatric psychiatrist; meds for depression, anxiety and agitation work.
It would help everyone the most to take her to her physician for a cognitive/memory test and maybe also check for a UTI. Then find some of the very excellent educational resources online to learn about dementia and how to better engage with people so that you can have more peaceful and production interactions with them.