In another post I mentioned that assisted living was getting too expensive and I thought about moving Mom in with my husband and me. After thinking about it a lot and getting feedback from a lot of people, I'm trying to keep my mother in AL because she's doing very well there. Her money is running low and it's almost time to think about applying for medicaid. How do I approach my mother with this? She's gotten use to me paying all her bills and doesn't want to know anything about how much AL is costing. She's not going to be left with much per month and I don't know how to tell her. I'm putting this off as long as possible. She gets her hair done every week, she has cable tv and a phone and she goes out to lunch with her friends once in awhile. Plus she's going to have to share a room with someone. I've tried to talk to her but she changes the subject. How can I tell her she'll have to cut down? My husband and I are on fixed income so we have no money left over per month to give her. I wish I did. How have others approached this?
Phew!!! At least the AL takes Medicaid. Thank your lucky stars.
Give it to her straight; the moment you come in, right after a hug and a kiss. "Mom? You're running out of $. Time to apply for Medicaid." If she changes the subject, ask her what she's going to do when the $ is all gone. ... I wouldn't give her any cash. That only reinforces the illusion everything's okay and, if you leave it for the last minute, she might ask what YOU did with it. Don't let her flip the script on you.
Always at your service,
-- ED
I do not think that Medicaid will pay for ALFs (if I am wrong, please let me know. I would be interested). Was your Mom or Dad a veteran? If she qualifies (which it sounds like she would) they pay quite a bit. Another cost saving tip is to sit down with the director of the ALF and see if there are ways to reduce her monthly bill...they want to keep their facilities filled and may work with you. Also, there is generally a 5% increase each year, but if you write a letter of "hardship" the company will sometimes decrease the percentage.
I think that staying in the ALF is best for her and for you too. I hope it all works out well.