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It is tiring having to "be there" for someone on a constant basis. We are Seniors caring for Seniors. We were looking forward to retirement and then we find ourselves caring for someone. My Mom could not be left alone. Had to wait till my DH was home so I could run to the store. And even though he didn't live with me, I had a nephew with disabilities I now had to oversee. Just before that I watched my grandson from 2 months to 20. He had to go to Daycare because I had to take Mom in. Believe me if I had been given a choice, I would have continued to care for the 20 month old. At least I got time to myself from 5 pm on and weekends. Even after Mom was placed in an AL, there is responsibility. My Mom was easy considered to some of the posts I read here. Even so, I found I was not a caregiver. No patience for one. I dealt with Dementia. I like order and predictability and you have none of that with Dementia.

You do the best you can. Its hard taking care of another person. Try not to be hard on yourself. If you need to or can, set boundries. I don't like being at someone's beck and call. Mom was like having a toddler, didn't need anything until I finally sat down. When I took her in, it was never to be permanent. Eventually I placed her in a nice AL just up the street. When money ran out it was then LTC. By that time she didn't know where she was so I didn't have to deal with the "I want to go home" thing.
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If you're like many of us, you never saw this coming. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and completely burn out!
It's kinda like eating an elephant!!
One bite at time!!
Is Mom living with you or in assisted living?
It's hard not to let your Loved ones needs consume your life, but you need to set boundaries. Not only for Mom, but for yourself.
Do what you can. And don't beat yourself up over what you can't!
Seek counseling. A good counselor can help you deal with the guilt. You're doing all you can. You have nothing to feel guilty about!!
God bless!
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Realize the limits of your obligation. Let yourself rest so you can offer your best.
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Your feelings are entirely normal and they are also entirely ok. In a way, you are experiencing a certain level of grief over the loss of the mother you knew. If you never had a kind and loving relationship with your mother, this exacerbates the situation. And if your relationship was lloving, you’ve realized you can no longer go back to “the way things were”. You’ve realized you’ve become the parent.

Caregiving for a loved one is not easy. We hit many lows and few highs. It’s a thankless job. I take care of my husband and work part time. I’m seriously considering quitting, but my job is my escape. The idea of sitting and watching Hallmark Movies over and over 7 days a week, 14 hours a day makes my blood run cold. If I do quit, it would take some serious self-discipline to do things for myself and my house. And, this is what you must do. Hire an in home health aide to come sit with your mother. Even if you just go to another room and read or craft, it’s time for you. And, you don’t need to say “how high” each time she says “jump”. I had to learn the hard way to encourage my husband to be as self-sufficient as he can be. Caregiving is a process. This is still new to you. Give yourself some time to adjust. Sending good thoughts and hugs...
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xrayjodib Jul 2020
Well said!!
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