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I’m slower than everyone else here, my instinct was get her out! Lol I’m learning.
We have spent the last year trying to chase every lead, find answers to all the things going on with my mom. She’s fallen again and now I understand simply she can not be in AL, though she insists. I’m still getting her permission like a dope for every decision.. Then in a care meeting for new place they mention she’s bipolar and her mental illness? Meds not being taken for it, been diagnosed several years? What? Later I found medication in a zip lock she wasn’t taking but “saving for when she needed it”!

I do not envy anyone on this site except the ones past this nightmare. Truly you start to doubt your own sanity.
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Aunt Angie May 2021
Hello,
I wanted to bring it to your attention I posted a response to your concerns.
it is listed as Aunt Angie. Hope it helps
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In my experience, the delusions may never go away. My Mom went into Memory Care last December when she had delusions and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. The delusions have continued and deepened in their detail, very similar to what your Mom is saying. I think it is my Mom's confused way of making sense of where she is and how she misses her old life.
The staff at her home is very responsive to her needs and concerns and to me, and we keep reassuring her and redirecting her to more positive thoughts. I do explain that her condition is affecting her health and outlook, and sometimes that helps.
My Mom isn't happy, even though her Memory Care unit is lovely and the best in the area. But she's always been critical of everyone and everything, even when she was well.
I've been told that "safe trumps happy," here at Agingcare.com and it is sad but so true. I wish everyone who faces this with their loved ones the best. It takes a long time to accept what's happening and to make the best of the situation.
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roxynicole1 May 2021
Thank you. Safe trumps happy may need to become my new mantra.
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Yes, delusions can go on seemingly forever. Some of my mom's dementia related beliefs are now permenant to her. It will not get better. Just know that. I wade through all of that and just work at having whatever positive relationship I can with her. It changes constantly. I remind myself often that she doesn't know reality much anymore and that helps me deal with it. And I only have a Financial POA to help her pay bills, etc. So I have little say so with medical decisions. If you can still get a POA and want to be that involved, I would advise doing it as soon as possible. I can't do that for medical now because of my mom's diagnosis. And no one will tell me what that is because I don't have POA rights for it. I know her medicine changes because I pay the pharmacy bill. She was recently put on Haldol for hallucinations and delusions. This tells me that I am right about her level of dementia. Just know that you are not alone in this. We are all experiencing what it is like aging in our society.
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roxynicole1 May 2021
Thank you! It is so helpful to know the length and power these delusions can potentially take on. I do have guardianship and conservatorship, so I am the decision maker on all counts. Knowing what I am dealing with will help me feel more secure in my choices.
I am sorry for the situation with your mom. It must be so hard to have to piece everything together from the outside looking in.
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It seems so real when she tells you these stories because they are real to her. You know when your mom is telling you the truth as she believes it.
It is her reality so it seems like it must be true. She must work with her meds to regain some peace in her life. Thankfully she is where she will be monitored and has you to help her see the right doctors.
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Roxi, one thought. Is there a dedicated inpatient psychiatric unit or senior behavioral hralth unit in the area?

Sometimes psych meds take some time to tweak and geriatric psychiatry teams are the best folks to do that.
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roxynicole1 May 2021
Thank you for your response. We do have a geriatric psych unit in mind if the current dosage of seroquel doesn't help bring things back to a more stable state. The group home and her dr. are on board to move that direction if necessary. It's clear from our experience with the hospital this weekend that beds and psychiatric support are few and far between. I feel for anyone dealing with psychiatric challenges right now.
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It is so hard to watch our loved one suffer, especially as extreme as it sounds in your mother.

I agree it may be time not to take mom away from her new home. My father used to assist at church services at the nursing home grandma (his MIL) lived in, There was one time Mom and I visited her later that Sunday and she was all upset and rather angry - I HAD NEVER, EVER, seen this woman upset and angry (and I was an adult when this occurred). When we asked what was wrong she said dad asked if he could take her to dinner after church and wheeled her to the dining room and parked her at her seat and told her he'd see her next week. Well either she thought he was staying and eating with her or taking her out for a meal - she actually called dad a "worm" . While mom and I were sorry for her distress - and we were, but even now it makes me laugh to the point of tears - this sweet woman who never called people names. Of course when Dad heard about it he felt horrible. (I haven't thought of this story for literally decades - who knows what brought it up now.)

I also seem to remember that the nursing home had a rash of pregnancies of several elderly women - it was like a group delusion.

There was another time dad brought grandma home on after services for dinner - she was very agitated about being away from the nursing home. Nothing calmed her and dad had to load her back into the care and take her back to the facility. It was the last time she was ever taken off the grounds.

ICU stays were a problematic area for her during the nightime hours to the point that either my mom, my aunt or my dad would spend the night in the ICU waiting room - much to the amusement of the ICU staff (after all who can't handle a sweet little old woman) - until Grandma went off the rails and one of the nurses would go an retrieve whoever was there - they were the only ones who could calm her down to the point she went back to sleep. Once out of ICU she was fine.

I don't know if the above stories have any real point, but for some reason your troubles and maybe someone else's post brought up these memories.

I believe routine at this point is going to be an important factor in your mother's care and that is no guarantee against delusions and/or hallucinations.

I hope your mom's Docs can find a cocktail of drugs that help calm her down. Maybe there is an as yet undetected infection swimming through your mom's body. I'm so sorry she hasn't been happy living anywhere and the denial of aging - I believe fear also has a bearing on how those in the throes of dementia behave.

My prayers are with your mom, you and your family.
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CathyS May 2021
I enjoyed reading your story. I got to laugh a little. My story isn't funny yet. Some of it will be someday. I look forward to that even with the sorrow that will surround it.
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My mom, in MC, has been saying for 6 months that she does not get called to, taken to, or provided with meals.

This is simply not true. I have come in when she is at meal time. I have been sent other pictures of her eating at meal times.

She is in a beautiful setting, with caring people. I trust them.

Sigh. It's all so hard.
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CathyS May 2021
Yes, it is.
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It sounds as though your Mom is deteriorating and her condition worsening. You have already had the workup I would recommend, and it may take a bit of time to tell if her new medication will work or if she requires something "other" of something "more". Drug cocktails can work but they are difficult. There's a difference between delusions (wrong beliefs) and hallucinations (actually experiencing a screnario that isn't happening). The former can be permanent tendency and the latter more a visitation of something that can pass. But the docs will work on the medications. Sadly the Mom may not get better. Sometimes meds that help with mentation tend to make seniors less steady on already compromised mobility, and falls increase. Sometimes the only answer is increased care such as memory care, but that of course means sometimes a doubling in cost, and certainly less good living circumstances. I am so sorry you are going through this. Each situation, each sufferer is as unique as his or her own thumbprint. There really is no one answer and even doctors struggle to know what is going on.
I am assuming a UTI is ruled out as urinary tract infections can have profound affects on mentation, esp something to consider if this is a sudden change.
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With dementia, any traumatic situation can cause a change from which they may recover, but in my mom's case, she never does.

When my dad -- her rock -- was diagnosed with inoperable cancer, she started talking about her first high school boyfriend, a guy she'd never mentioned before. I had to move her to a nursing home a few days after my dad's funeral, and suddenly the old boyfriend was "visiting." Four months after my dad's death he was completely forgotten, and Mom and the boyfriend were "married." This has been going on for 2 1/2 years now, and she carries on both sides of conversations with Dan the Invisible Man. (In reality, the last time she saw this guy was in 1944, and he's been dead since 2009.)

Fortunately, my mom isn't hysterical or psychotic as it sounds like you're dealing with, but her fears and disorientation at moving seem to have morphed into living at a crack house. I'm so sorry.

I would suggest not bringing her home for visits and having her stay at the home so she can become more acclimated to her new surroundings. Visit her there, and if she wants to go home, tell her repeatedly that she is home.
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I have been thrown into a family members delusional world view for almost a month now. My family member is in his 30's.

This is part of what I have learnt. Long term psychosis causes permanent brain damage, the long the psychotic state the greater the damage. My son has been hospitalized for 2 full weeks and is no closer to reality than when he got there, even under the care of a psychiatrist and on medication.

I know this is not what you want to hear. But coupled with the damage that leads to dementia, until your Mum is on the right medication, she may remain in psychosis.

You say she is generally not a happy person, but perhaps it is also time for her to stay in her new home and not be brought out for visits, or she may have to move into a secure unit where unfortunately she will not be allowed her dog.

We are dealing with a dog too.

It is heart breaking, it is exhausting, it is scary. My heart goes out to you. Make sure you take care of yourself. I had to have a tooth pulled yesterday, I had been clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth so much at night that I cracked it right down the middle.
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SnoopyLove May 2021
So sorry to hear this, Tothill
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Thank you. She has been checked for UTI, medication interactions and had an MRI. I'm thinking the big change of the move caused something to snap, but who knows for certain? This is a wild ride for sure.
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Their brains are broken. They have thoughts that connect in bizarre ways. My mother-in-law has end stage parkinsons and is on hospice. She will tell you that she walks about the facility and the trips she takes with famous friends. Check into confabulation. It is real to them. Also have her checked for urinary tract infection, those can cause delusions or delirium
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