How long does it take to assimilate to assisted living?

You don't mention dementia, but it does sound like mom suffers from it, with wanting to go home all the time and not recognizing her own deficits as those of us with healthy brains would.

My mother lived in AL from 88 to 92 years old. She liked it. Then she moved into Memory Care Assisted Living at 92.5 when her dementia ramped up and she became wheelchair bound. She fell 95x in AL and MC and still she was fine and dandy to come live with me, expecting that I would clean up her incontinence blowouts every day, haul her 200 lbs in and out of bed/chair/wheelchair etc. Shower her single handedly, pick her up from the floor single handedly every time she fell which was 3x a day some days......with dementia at play, they lose all sense of logic. You can't reason with them anymore. I couldn't say Mom, you can't move in with me bc I can't manage your care.....she would come up with 25 reasons why she required no care! Senseless. So you tell mom it's DOCTORS ORDERS she live in AL and until you hear otherwise, AL is where she stays. Period. Then leave her presence or hang up the phone. She's safe and well cared for, that's all you need to know. She may adjust tomorrow or never, who knows?

It's up to HER to carve out a life for herself now, or not....her choice. I guarantee you, though, she's saving all her sob stories for you and isn't half as miserable in AL as she is pretending to be. It's their M.O., all of them, to have us think they're being starved and mistreated when they're really playing bingo and gossiping at lunch with the other blue hairs 😂🤣😃 My mother did fine in both AL and MC.......she just made it her hobby to make ME feel guilty for placing her there when I had no other choice. Once I realized that, I was able to relax and know she was properly placed and I was being played.

My mom really never adjusted. My mom had dementia so while she was not happy in the environment, she could not remember where she was prior to my placing her. Within a couple of days, she could not remember my home, where she lived for the previous 5 years. Still, it was impossible to make her happy. She was not social and did not enjoy activities. She was an introvert and was not comfortable with people coming in and out of her room. She did not have the personality that would allow her to embrace the change. But, I could not fix that, as much as I tried. I love what Circlepi2 said: "We are not responsible for their happiness, but their well being and safety". I quickly figured out that it was impossible to bring her happiness. I am not sure she was happy in my home. So, it was about my sanity and her safety. Not a great compromise but the only outcome possible.

She may and she may not become more acclimated to where she is; only time can tell. For some the thinking is circular and they get kind of "stuck" in this circuitous thinking. For others they forget home and make contacts and friends and enjoy the activity. Again, only time will tell. Consider consulting with her doctor if you are POA to see if a mild anti- depressant may serve as a sort of bridge over this time of change. Sure wish you the best. One predictable thing about dementia is that is is NOT predictable.

Best to you. Hope you'll update us.

Many of them think they can live at home when they can't. Your mother is showing her lack of insight, which is probably a symptom of her disease. You don't mention dementia, but that's what this looks like to me.

Refuse to be drawn into conversations about this topic. Cut down on your interaction with her. She might become less obsessed if you're not listening to her so often.

Tell her she is in her home when she starts nattering on. Then change the subject, hang up or go home.

It took my last LO-in-care about 6 months to become comfortable and relaxed, and that was facilitated by medication deftly managed by a wonderful geriatric behaviorist.

If there is (sounds like) early dementia as part of her profile, don’t exhaust yourself attempting to explain-reason-discuss etc. because it will not help her, and it will not benefit you.

Between a small dose of medication and a pleasant supportive group of caregivers, she grew to enjoy her lhotel”. She had “entered” in early May, and had adjusted decently by early October.

You can respond to her that she has to wait until her doctor says it is safe for her to live on her own.

Elderly people love to complain. It's the same reason they like to go over their entire medical history with anyone who wanders into their vicinity. Even if she is perfectly happy there, she will likely always piss and moan about it to get attention and sympathy.

Ignore it.

You made a very wise choice to place your mom in assisted living. As others have said, when dementia sets in, the ability to see reality leaves.

So, whether or not your mom settles in, take comfort in knowing that you did what was best for her.

She may not appreciate what you have done for her and I am sure that is bothersome for you.

It’s sad that she isn’t at peace with living in her facility. I certainly hope that she will come around in time. Give her some time. Has she ever taken any medication for anxiety?

Your health is a priority and cannot be neglected. Please take care of your needs.

Best wishes to you and your mother.

You can't make your mom happy or content. You can help keep her safe by having her cared for by professionals. When she complains, say, "Thank you, but I need to be going." Then say, "Goodbye," and leave. My husband is in Memory Care. I made the mistake of asking him if he was happy. He said, "How can I be happy? Look at me." It was one of his rare moments of lucidity. I have not said that word, "happy" since. I ask if he is comfortable? has pain? thirsty? hungry? sleepy? Is he happy? NEVER.

cpeitz81: Since you state in your profile that you "just completed chemo and radiation," it is best that you focus on your own health concerns. Quite obviously, your mother cannot live on her own; many elders erroneously claim to not require help.