My husband just went into a memory care - He has early onset alzheimers and is only 68 years old and he has been in the facility for about 10 days. He has been diagnosed for about 6 years. I went to visit him yesterday and then today. Now he is asking to get out of there and go home. I feel so quilty
When I read that your husband "asks to go home," I felt happy for his high level of functioning. When my mother entered a NH in November of 2014, she was speaking too. I took it for granted. She has now become non-verbal (mainly gibberish) and I can't tell what her preferences are or what she's trying to say. I would love to go back to the days when she asked to go home. My unsolicited advice is this: enjoy your husband. Revel in the fact that he is safe, cared for, and can communicate with you. While the weather is nice, take him out for the day. Hold hands, reminisce, listen to your favorite music together. Anything to enjoy the moment because with dementia, things may change at some point and you would have forfeited the wonderful times you could be having together right now.
When my cousin first went into Assisted Living, she asked about going home all the time. It was a constant thing, but, after she went into Memory Care, it stopped. She seemed to be so much more relaxed there and happy. That might be due to her medication though.
She now tells me periodically that she has decided to stay in her apt. That's what she calls it. She says it's so nice and she likes it. I tell her that I think that is a good decision. So, she believes she chose to live there and it's her decision. I support her in that.
I might suggest that you speak with the Resident Care Coordinator at his facility and see if they can provide him with some type of "job." Not a real job, but something that he can do to help.
My cousin goes into one of the offices that is on her wing of Memory Care, when the staff are in. She rolls her wheelchair around and chats with them and they sometimes give her something to fold or sort. (Depending on the day, she sometimes isn't able to use her hands well, but other days she can.) They chat with her as if she's a co-worker and she thinks she works there too. It makes her feel needed and that is a good thing.
Sometimes, I'll ask her if she's still working and she may say yes or she may say no, that she doesn't feel like it anymore.
No guilt, it takes time for you Both to adjust.