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My dad (83) insists on keeping my mom with Alzheimer’s and a broken hip (82) at home. We have a variety of hired caregivers but she stays in a wet diaper 12 hours because he can’t/won’t change her at night. Now she has developed bed sores. I feel like she would get better, consistent care in a facility, at least until she is more mobile. None of us children live in the same town. Please share your experiences. Is it worth a fight?

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2 hours or less in a facility
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Reply to brandee
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My husband is in memory care. The residents are checked at least every hour and a half. They are checked if their expression shows that they may have soiled their "briefs." If they have, they are immediately taken to their own room or bathroom to be changed. Sometimes they make sounds that give away their status, and they are checked then. They are watched for any signs of discomfort that might mean they are going to soil themselves, and the aides try to get them to the toilet beforehand if the resident is capable.

There is no way that your mom should be left in a wet undergarment for 12 hours. That is negligent and harmful. Bedsores are serious business, and you need to do whatever you can to make sure she has proper care. Dad is not able to care for her now.
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Reply to Fawnby
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This will vary by location, just like people, some places are diligent and some not so much. You will need to research in the area to find who has a good reputation for providing care that’s competent and what you’re looking for. Bedsores get awful in a hurry and keeping a person turned often enough in a home setting is difficult. My mom never had even one in four years in managed care despite not being physically able to help with turning or sitting up at all. Her nursing home caregivers were outstanding at keeping issues away
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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I had my daddy in a facility - they were lousy! I told them that too! When I had him moved to a group home, they had not even put a diaper on him! I was pissed!. After having him in a group home he had personal attention and I was able to visit him during the day, the assistance were personal and treated him as family. I sent treats to the group home, thanked them every time I was there, celebrated their birthdays - my daddy never had a bed sore, was always clean, and if he were up during the night they would call me so I could talk him back to bed. When a medication needed to be added they always called me and kept me up to date. Remember the facilities have many patients to look after and a group home has maybe 6 to 8.
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Reply to Ohwow323
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Bed sores can kill, and quickly. Sepsis is "a thing". So that takes care of the "being worth a fight" argument.

Bedsores can lose the licensure for an in-facility caregiving facility, so you can see how seriously it is taken.

Clearly your mother has now moved beyond your father's ability to care for her. Call APS. They will assess and assist when you mention bedsores; this now requires a wound care nurse. If this homecare cannot be safely done then they will assist in getting this out of your father's hands and control and getting mom into safe care.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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