I have been a caregiver for my husband since May of 2022. He suffered several small strokes (with no lasting damage) and had carotid artery surgery a few days ago. Because he was on medication for 7 months that caused muscle weakness and because of his age (85), he is currently in a physical therapy hospital to regain his balance and strength. He was very strong and physically active before May. Fortunately, he does not suffer from any cognitive issues. I am experiencing burnout after these months of caregiving and am "enjoying" him being in a facility where I know he will get better and is taken care of 24/7.
What I DO know is that YOU need some relaxation time of your own and you don't need permission from anyone to take it. If you break down, then what happens? Then your DH stays in that rehab SNF in their long term care section, permanently.
Wishing you the best of luck coming up with a plan that works for YOU!
He was too sick to care or was always being tested for one thing or another, otherwise watching TV.
I am not one to stay with someone all day and night in the hospital, doing nothing but sitting there or watching TV, see no reason to do so, may just be me.
Now you know you have your mornings and maybe early afternoon. So sleep in and enjoy your peace.
Much here depends upon the relationship you two have nurtured throughout a long time. I sure wish you good luck.
My FIL is being discharged from inpatient rehab next week. He has been there since right after Thanksgiving. He was in the hospital for a little over a week prior to that and was transferred from the hospital because he would not get out of the bed. Not could not, would not. He was an unsafe discharge home (and many thanks to this forum for that particular phrase) At first, we thought for sure that he would not come back home. We were looking for Skilled Nursing Facilities. He was alert and talking and engaged, but unwilling to get out of the bed. (there was nothing physically wrong with him, he took a small roll out of his chair but was not injured and had multiple tests in the hospital to ensure that) He had a UTI that was treated in the hospital but at this point he was completely clear headed.
BIL/SIL visited at most twice a week for long enough to say hello and switch out his clothes, maybe a few minutes longer. DH and I live about an hour away, and we visited once a week usually. We all spoke periodically on the phone but it amounted to someone speaking to him at least once every day.
This time was a much needed respite for the entire family, as DH and I are back up/additional "sharegivers" and emotional/mental support and the "cavalry" so to speak whenever any interventions need to happen with FIL. It has not been without fireworks even with him being in rehab. Had we gone every day - I know he would not have made the progress he has made. We literally saw him regress when we visited.
When we visited - he would ask SIL to brush his teeth or DH to push the call button that was literally at his finger tips. He would ask me to hand him his phone that was laying on his stomach. He would ask BIL to hold his water cup for him. He would ask us to raise the head of his bed when the controller was laying next to him. He would literally not do a single thing for himself. He wanted us to feed him. He wanted us to brush his hair. The list goes on and on. We would not do it for him because we knew he could do it himself. But we asked him who did it for him when we were not there. He said he had to do it himself because "They don't come fast enough when I call and they say I need to do things for myself."
I don't know - maybe that sounds selfish of us to someone outside of the family. But had we stayed and been there every day or every other day and done those things for him - he would not be coming home next week. He would 100% be going into a Skilled Nursing Home from rehab instead and there is a good chance he wouldn't have made any progress at all because as he once told a doctor "Why would I do it when they can do it for me?" And that statement right there is the exact reason he has lost so much of his mobility and independence to begin with.
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