WendyP, once a week is good enough, and inbetween times use baby wipes.
My concern is can your Dad still shower on his own being he has dementia? There will come a time when he will no longer want to shower as his dementia will create numerous issues.... such as he doesn't like the feel of shower water on his skin.... have the feeling of being closed-in in the shower.... fear of falling, etc.
There are skilled caregivers that you can hire just for showering/bathing. They will recommend you get a shower chair so Dad can feel safer sitting down. That grab bars be installed. And your Dad won't feel as embarrassed having a caregiver help compared to having his daughter assist him.
Don't focus on 'should be's' here and settle for 'good enough's' instead. 2x a week for a shower is more than good enough for an elder suffering from dementia/ALZ and COPD, once a week if twice gets to be too much for him.
Just a tip- any “caregiver” who is run off by a victim of dementia using “naughty language” may not be worth having around anyway.
The “words” of a person who is suffering cognitive loss are MEANINGLESS and should be expected to be incomprehensible and sometimes highly offensive. A caregiver can walk away, turn the TV up louder, deflect, change the subject.
Maybe your dad could benefit from a small dose of a carefully chosen medication to help him be more comfortable and peaceful in his daily activities.
Dad hasn’t “…turned into someone mean”. He’s turning into someone who is losing his ability to use language as he did when he was a younger man. This will become progressively more difficult for him. His “filters” are failing.
Only children have an extra tough time when parents’ skills begin to fail. But truth- sometimes it’s actually easier if you are free to do the research on your dad’s current situation, then act on what you’ve learned.
Come back. There are lots of us “LonelyOnlies” here.
Try getting a male caregiver. That would substantially eliminate the embarrassment aspect of it and perhaps make him more receptive. It is no different than many women not wanting a male caregiver assisting them with showers.
My father had COPD and mild (undiagnosed) dementia. He would do a wipe down on most days and then once a week my nephew (his grandson) would come and give him a shower. It worked well as my Mom couldn't help him in the shower anymore and having a male he was related to assisting him relieved most of the embarrassment. It would have been impossible for a female relative or aide. My Mom now has advanced dementia and she gets a bed bath twice a week.
I have the same issue. I hired shower care through a firm 3x a week for routine. The goal is shower twice, sink bath once. I struggle to change him and get clean the other days.
it’s a shoot for the best, settle for anything, situation.
I would say at least two times a week and a wash up every day.
If your Dad is suffering from Dementia, do not expect him to initiate the shower. And as frequent said, for some reason those suffering from Dementias no longer like showers. One reason too is the bathroom is cold. I always warmed up Moms up first.
If cleaning up means after using the bathroom, he may now need help. As the Dementia progresses, you will need to do more for him.
You may find some obvious reasons that make sense to why Dad resists eg hates being cold, doesn't enjoy the water hitting him, no concept of body odour. Or you have no idea - maybe Dad has no idea either - he just wants to say NO & be left alone!
Things that can work; - Making the wash/shower as comfortable as possible or warm. - Having a no-no sense approach. Follow me.. It's time for... - Routine eg Every Mon Wed Fri.
Some actually do better if the routine is EVERY day. As 2-3 times a week is too tricky for their memory to hold. Up, wash breakfast.
The most 'resistive' to hygiene at a reasonable level, may find themself in a care home. Medication for mood may be an inbetween step that makes staying home possible for a bit longer. (A little pill is helping my LO stay at home).
1. Use bathing cloths like we do at hospitals , order by the case. I use them to wipes hands and face before/after meals, so it is not just bathing. It may be nicer if warmed . 2. Will the aid lay out clothes for days the are not working with Dad, ...AND label the day for use?
My concern is can your Dad still shower on his own being he has dementia? There will come a time when he will no longer want to shower as his dementia will create numerous issues.... such as he doesn't like the feel of shower water on his skin.... have the feeling of being closed-in in the shower.... fear of falling, etc.
There are skilled caregivers that you can hire just for showering/bathing. They will recommend you get a shower chair so Dad can feel safer sitting down. That grab bars be installed. And your Dad won't feel as embarrassed having a caregiver help compared to having his daughter assist him.
The “words” of a person who is suffering cognitive loss are MEANINGLESS and should be expected to be incomprehensible and sometimes highly offensive. A caregiver can walk away, turn the TV up louder, deflect, change the subject.
Maybe your dad could benefit from a small dose of a carefully chosen medication to help him be more comfortable and peaceful in his daily activities.
Dad hasn’t “…turned into someone mean”. He’s turning into someone who is losing his ability to use language as he did when he was a younger man. This will become progressively more difficult for him. His “filters” are failing.
Only children have an extra tough time when parents’ skills begin to fail. But truth- sometimes it’s actually easier if you are free to do the research on your dad’s current situation, then act on what you’ve learned.
Come back. There are lots of us “LonelyOnlies” here.
It worked well as my Mom couldn't help him in the shower anymore and having a male he was related to assisting him relieved most of the embarrassment. It would have been impossible for a female relative or aide.
My Mom now has advanced dementia and she gets a bed bath twice a week.
it’s a shoot for the best, settle for anything, situation.
If your Dad is suffering from Dementia, do not expect him to initiate the shower. And as frequent said, for some reason those suffering from Dementias no longer like showers. One reason too is the bathroom is cold. I always warmed up Moms up first.
If cleaning up means after using the bathroom, he may now need help. As the Dementia progresses, you will need to do more for him.
You may find some obvious reasons that make sense to why Dad resists eg hates being cold, doesn't enjoy the water hitting him, no concept of body odour. Or you have no idea - maybe Dad has no idea either - he just wants to say NO & be left alone!
Things that can work;
- Making the wash/shower as comfortable as possible or warm.
- Having a no-no sense approach. Follow me.. It's time for...
- Routine eg Every Mon Wed Fri.
Some actually do better if the routine is EVERY day. As 2-3 times a week is too tricky for their memory to hold. Up, wash breakfast.
The most 'resistive' to hygiene at a reasonable level, may find themself in a care home. Medication for mood may be an inbetween step that makes staying home possible for a bit longer. (A little pill is helping my LO stay at home).
2. Will the aid lay out clothes for days the are not working with Dad, ...AND label the day for use?
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